Breathe
by XxShadowBladexX
Summary: Alec is having a hard time, he believes Magnus no longer loves him and it would be better if he just left everone! Will he ever get Magnus back? Will Magnus realize his mistakes? Rating is M due to future things.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one

 **Ayeeee I'm new to this and Disclaimer: I don't own any characte** rs

I stare at the ceiling and listen to the steady breaths next to me. I look over and see the rare look of Magnus looking absolutely peaceful next to me, a sight curve in his lips indicating a smile. I sigh, feeling a headache coming and rub my fingers against my temples.

I hear Magnus stir beside me and glance over at his beautiful green eyes. No matter how many times I've looked at them, every single time they take my breath away. "Alec, what are you staring at?" Magnus says his voice clipped. I sense it again and see the flash of annoyance that graces over his features. My hearts plummets to the floor as I see agitation written all over his face. Each time I hope for it to be different, every time I think it might change but it never does, not anymore.

I remember when he used to look at me like I was the only thing that mattered, I remember how his eyes shown with love and affection every time he looked at me. But now it's gone, I'll I see when he looks at me is annoyance. I can't ever blame him though, it took him long enough to see the real Alec. I'm boring, plain, shy and insecure, how could anyone love me like that? Magnus was flawless he's: Beautiful, confident, sexy and just everything. I was nothing compared to him and he started realizing that a month ago. About a month ago I noticed his change, he started withdrawing from me and now he always looks at me with annoyance. I just hope our relationship lasts a little longer, because I'm definitely not ready now but I'm not sure if I ever will be.

(Line break)

After our lunch we go for a walk and a silence settles over us. Not the comfortable silence that makes u feel safe and happy, no, it's the awkward kind the one that seems to stretch on for forever. "I think we should head back," I finally say to break the silence. He doesn't even look at me when he answers and agrees. Once we are back without a second glance he's in our room with the door closed. I sit down on the couch and smile softly as Chairman jumps onto my lap. " You still love me, right Chairman Meow?" I say chuckling softly when he purrs as I scratch behind his ears.

An hour later with Chairman and my thoughts, I'm snapped back to reality when I hear the bedroom door being opened and closed. Magnus is descending the steps and my face brighten when I see his expression. His eyes are sparkling with happiness and amusement and his lips are curved into a smirk. I realize it's not directed at me when his eyes land on mine and he instantly frowns as if he forgets I'm here. I have to look away afraid that he'll see my heart breaking then. His phone buzzes and he grins when he reads it, me already forgotten.

I heave a sigh of relief when the home phone starts ringing and I carefully pad into the kitchen. I carefully bring it to my ear and listen. "Hey baby, you gonna come over tomorrow?" The caller says in a low seductive town. "Um do I know you?" I ask thoroughly confused. "Oh, is Magnus there?" I stand in the kitchen in silence. "Hello? Are u still there?" The caller asks sounding irritated. I suddenly feel a surge of anger, who was this person and how did they know Magnus? What gave them the right to be giving his Magnus nicknames? Without a twinge of guilt I hung up and glared at the phone.

I came back where Magnus was sitting and sat down still feeling the remaining anger starting to subside a little. A buzzing suddenly interrupted the silence and I jumped surprised. Magnus grabbed his phone and grinned as he answered it. He started frowning. "I'm sorry, my friend must've answered-no just a friend it's not important, and didn't I tell u I'm more likely to answer my personal one?" Magnus said amused. My heart plummeted, was he taking to the person I just hung up with? And did he say I was just a friend, I wasn't just a friend I should be special to him! I tuned out the rest of their conversation and focused on watching Magnus's expressions. I watched as he looked so happy and free talking to someone else. I've never seen him look that happy with me since a long time. I blinked back tears and hastily stood up darting into his bedroom. His. No, Ours?

I slammed the door harder then I intended to and sank down to the floor. I stared blankly ahead not wanting to feel anything. Some time later I managed to find the strength to walk over and collapse on the bed and I could feel the tears threatening to spill over. Why can't I be loved? I thought sadly. To be honest I can't blame Magnus for getting annoyed at my, I know he no longer loved me but I need to stay with him a little longer to at least pretend that I had someone. I'm lucky he didn't want to break my pathetic heart yet.

I wish I was someone better, I wish I could be care free like Magnus, not caring what the world thought of him. Or I wish I could be Jace, being the perfect son my parents always wanted me to be. My parents. The thought of them made my heart clench. My parents found out who I was and hated me, they couldn't stand to see me, couldn't stand the though of being related to me. Me a freak, a disappointment. It took long enough for Magnus to finally realize what a freak I am. He was blind trying to convince me and him that I was something special.

Maybe I could disappear, Magnus would be relieved I wouldn't be his burden anymore and my siblings would eventually get over it. After a month everyone would forget about me. And Alexander Lightwood would be long forgotten by everyone.

My first chapter of the story ^-^ plz review so I'll know whether or not to continue it!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own (sadly) none of the characters! Plz review and feel free to give suggestions (Warning mature content may be in this chapter, don't like just skip this chapter!)**

 _I squinted at the blinding light that shown in the darkness. Jace appeared and was smiling at Alec, his golden hair looking even more golden in the lights. Izzy then appeared beside Jace and then came Max. A sudden flare of sadness washed over me at seeing my younger brother but I tried to remain calm. Max was grinning like he was about to talk about his favorite Manga series. All of a sudden they disappeared and Magnus stood in there wake._

 _He was as beautiful as ever and sparkly as ever too. He smiled softly at me and sauntered over to where I was standing._

" _Darling, you look absolutely...sexy," he says his voice seductive. My breath hitched and I stared at his beautiful green eyes that only held pure love in them._

 _My eyes then trailed down to his lips, which were shining a little from the lip gloss he must've put on. I leaned in and the next thing I knew I was kissing him and my whole body lit on fire. It felt so perfect, so right, I couldn't get enough. His tongue swiped across my bottom lip and I let out a little gasp. He then took the opportunity to slip his tongue in my mouth. I moaned as his tongue searched every corner of my mouth._

 _I felt my back hit something hard and he pressed his body against mine, fitting perfectly. My hands wound up in his hair and he moans against my mouth. His hands travel down my back and rest on the top of my jeans. We pull apart to get much needed oxygen his lips then move to my neck, trailing kisses and nipping at the sensitive skin. I tilt my head back to give better access and I moan._

 _My mind is in a haze and I can't think straight, I can't remember how long ago that I felt this love and want from Magnus._

 _This snapped me back from floating in complete bliss, why was Magnus being this way, what caused the sudden change?_

 _"Magnus?" I whimpered softly as the sensations were making me feel so good._

 _"Yes baby?" he says slowly kissing my neck, his hands going under my shirt to the heated skin underneath._

 _Next thing I know he's removed my shirt and I can't stop the moan that escapes my mouth. His hips start a steady rhythm and my own follows his. The grinding reaches a steady rhythm and I pant as the feeling is becoming unbearable. "M-Magnus w-wha I need t-to-"I stutter trying to form a sentence. "Shhh it's ok love," Magnus says as he claims my lips back for another kiss._

 _"Alec" Magnus says. "M-Mags I-I-" i moan not being able to finish my sentence. "Alec" he repeats again. "ALEC"_

My eyes fly wide open and I stare back at Magnus green eyes. My back is drenched with sweat and I'm pressed up against Magnus. My face tinges with a faint blush "I-I I'm sorry?" It comes out more of a question then a statement.

He sighs, "Stop being so childish Alec, can you at least respect that?" He says faintly irritated. My fave gets hotter, "I'm sorry" I say averting my eyes. Before he can reply I bolt to the bathroom and shut the door. I won't cry, I scold myself, not now not ever. I take a shower, a cold one, mind you and when I get out Magnus is no longer in our bedroom.

As I walk downstairs Magnus looks excited and I'm about to ask why when he exclaims "Thank Goodness your done! I thought u would never come out!" And then he rushes to the bathroom. I stare forlornly at the place he was just standing at minutes ago. Could my days get any better?

An two hours later Magnus comes back in the living room. I gape at what he's wearing, extremely tight white skinny jeans that have a bunch of zippers which probably have no meaning, a tank top that has tons of glitter and a bunch of chains around his neck. He has black boots that come up to about his mid calf and his hair is spiked up as usual with glitter mixed in.

"Magnus?" I question. "Oh! Alec!" He says as if he forgets about me "I'm going to a party today" "Can I...come?" I ask. He looks taken aback. "Um, sure?" He says a little confused. "Just don't get in my way, like you usually do," he adds.

My heart broke another time that day and I'm not sure how long I would be able to keep up the fake smiles and happiness. "Ya, of course,"'I say forcing a smile. He nods "well I'm leaving in 5 min so hurry up."

I stand in our room debating on what to do. I sigh and give in, I'm going to try and impress Magnus to see if he will comment on it. I slip on a V-neck blue sweater and put on black skinny jeans. I then put on my combat boots and fail at attempting to try to tame my hair. I carefully and silently walk back to where Magnus is. He's texting, as usual, and I clear my throat to signal I'm there. He jumps a little and turns around. His eyes widen and the color darkens, just as quickly as it happened his face was back to irritated. I tried to hide the fact that he hurt me. "You look...nice he says simply, I give him a small smile as a thanks.

We head out of his flat and into a Taxi, telling the driver the directions. Again we sit in awkward silence till we arrive at the destination.

The house is huge, a mansion, the party has obviously already started, music blaring and lights flashing. I suddenly feel nervous, why did I do this? Magnus looks excited as we walk to the door. When we get inside I take in the view of all the people all dancing. I glance over to look at Magnus but he's not there. I can't stop the feeling of betrayal, I silently scold myself I must control myself. I sigh as I take in everyone again, this is going to be a long night.


	3. Chapter 4

Chapter 3

 **Keep up the reviews! And tell me, are my chapters too short? Anyways thx for support guys •-~ (Warning this chapter will contain mature content, don't like, don't read!)**

It's been about an hour since Magnus and I arrived at the party. I was sitting in a corner regretting coming, and I haven't seen Magnus since we first arrived. Where was he? He used to try to persuade me to come to parties but he was almost always by my side, I haven't even got a small glance of him yet.

I stared dejectedly at the mass of bodies swaying to the beat. It was much too crowded for my liking, I even considered the option of drowning my sorrows in alcohol. No, I scolded myself I absolutely never drink even if I do feel like crap.

"Hey hottie" I hear a voice next to me and turn to come face to face with a blonde girl. Her face is caked with makeup and her hair is down, flowing down her back. She has a very tight, short dress on and black stilettos. "Hey," I mumble and turn my attention back to the crowd. She comes closer, almost sitting on my lap. "Wanna get to know each other better" she asks and adds a wink.

I open my mouth to respond when I look over and see Magnus dancing with another guy. Magnus's head is thrown back and he's laughing, the other guy is smiling and looking at Magnus. I study the guy: he is tall also, maybe half an inch shorter then Magnus. He has blond hair that's messy but in a nice way, he has very dark blue eyes, almost black. An earring in one ear that gleams in the flashing lights and his clothes are tight but not as tight as Magnus's. He has a nice build and u can see the faint outlines of his muscles.

The blonde is looking at me expectantly, "Well?" She asks. "Sure," I say hoping I wouldn't regret it. She grabs my hand and we make our way to the kitchen.

She grabs glasses and fills them with a pink colored drink. She hands one to me and smiles, encouraging me, "It will be easier if we are more relaxed," she explains and flashes her white teeth. I sigh not really knowing what's in the substance but I tentatively take a sip. It's not bad tasting, actually kind of addicting.

After a few glasses I start to feel warm and fuzzy inside. I feel happy and light, I never want the sensation to end. "Hey" the blonde slurs" we haven't talked much so let's play 20 questions." I nod in agreement. "What's your name?" She asks. "Alec" I reply, "what about you?" "I'm Alice," she replies with a grin. "Have u ever slept with anyone?" She says her eyes sparkling. My face turns red "That's none of your business," I reply, and she rolls her eyes. "Okay Mr. Buzz Kill, let's go dance." "I'm not really a dancing type person," I say hesitantly. " Well right now you will b," she says and drags me to the floor.

I awkwardly dance with her but she doesn't seem to mind. She grows bold and presses her body against mine and she smiles up at me. I look around and spot Magnus practically grinding with the guy I saw him with earlier. Anger shoots through my whole body and I try to control it but the alcohol just seems to add fuel to the fire. Then the blonde guy leans forward and kisses Magnus right on the mouth, I can see Magnus doesn't kiss back but he's not moving. The blonde breaks away and whispers something to Magnus searching his face. Magnus then smiles slightly and the Blonde leans forward and this time Magnus kisses him back.

My heart shattered into a million jagged pieces which I probably wouldn't be able to mend. Alice seems to see the reaction and glances over Magnus's way. "I see," she says pursing her lips. "Why don't we go upstairs, away from all the chaos," she whispers.

I can't recall agreeing to it but next thing I know she's leading me up the stairs. I can't believe Magnus, would he seriously betray me like that? Is he trying to make me jealous? No it's probably because he no longer loves me, I thought brokenly.

Alice turns around and faces me, then she looks behind me surprised. Then unexpectedly she grabs the collar of my shirt and slams her mouth on mine, she then backs up against the wall. Im too shocked to react and the alcohol is making me react slow, it's really starting to affect me now. Making my movements slow and sluggish.

Alice then pushed me back and screams "Ew! What are you doing! I have a Boyfriend! Help this guy is trying to take advantage of me!" I stare at her confused not really processing what she's saying, she's the one who kissed me in the first place!

I felt a hand grab the back of my sweater and pull me around to come face to face with a very angry guy. He towers over me and has a sturdy, strong build, all muscles. He has jet black hair and eyes that are almost purely black. "What the fuck are you doing with my girlfriend!? She's mine and mine only! Don't you fucking dare touch her!" He yells spit flying on my face.

"I-I didn't, sh-she's th-" I stutter trying to compose myself. "I DIDN'T FUCKING ASK YOU TO RESPOND!" He yells. My patience snaps from everything that's happened, I can't handle it any longer.

"I'm gay!" I shout at him, "why would I take advantage of her! I don't even like her!" He smirks,"So your a cock sucking freak, well you'll be interesting to mess with," he says chuckling. Two other guys appeared next to him, the same built and evil glint in there eyes.

I get a very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach and my brain screams for me to run. Both of the other guys grab both of my arms. "Meet Bob and Bobby," he says smirking, and Alice is hanging off his arm looking 0% guilty. I felt so betrayed and hurt and I just wanted it all to stop

They drag me into the room and I struggle to get free but there just two strong, one has his hand clamped over my mouth, and I trying biting him but he just glares at me. "The more you struggle, the worse it will be for you," the guy, who I learned was name Sam, said. He gave Alice a passionate kiss on the mouth but then pulled away," let the fun begin," his eyes glinting evilly.

MAGNUS POV

I was drunk. I was drunk as hell but, I had to drown my miseries by drinking, that's what I always did. I had to be free I had to forget. I was being a bitch, I know, I'm being unfair. I was dancing and leading on Derek and it's all fault, yes I know. Im doing it to save him I have to let him be free, I'm restricting him and I don't want to hurt my baby. I just hope he understands, I hope he sees and leaves me, so he can be happy but, after he leaves there will be no one else. I'm just doing this right now so he can be free. So I'm drowning and hoping my actions right now are for the best.

Alec POV

I'm panicking. No one is here to save me, I'll die painfully and slowly. At least Magnus will be happy.

I was tied down to a chair, a cloth covering my mouth, my wrists and ankles bound tightly together to a chair. They were calling me names and I was receiving blows to every inch of my body. I wanted it to stop, I wanted to stop feeling.

Sam grabbed a fistful of my hair and jerked my head up, my eyes were blank staring at his glowering face. "Look at M fag," he spat"your a disgrace to society and you don't deserve to live, I reassure you your death will NOT be fun."

They untied my ankles and wrists and threw me onto the bed. Alice was cheering them on, I can't believe I trusted her. Bob and Bobby held me down and I was on my back. "You do have a pretty face," Sam says smirking," too bad you lose it. I'll make you regret ever being a fag," he spat.

His fingers traced my cheek and he reared his fist back and hit me square in the jaw. I didn't dare let a sound escape my mouth, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. "Trust me, what I'm going to do to you will make you scream."

He trailed his hands down to the hem of my pants, my eyes widened as I realized what he was going to do. I frantically shook my head and struggled against the strong arms holding me down. "Mmmmph!mmmhmm!" My voice was muffled due to the cloth.

He unbuckled my pants and slid the zipper down, I looked at him my eyes pleading him to stop. He pulls my pants down to mid thigh and he smirks at me. "What you gonna do freak?" He taunts"No one is here to save you and your sorry ass."

Just then a guy bursts in the room holding a bottle, "Sorry I wa-" then he stops realizing he's in the wrong room, he frowns and takes in the scene. I look at him my eyes pleading me to help, he blinks. "Get out," Sam growls. The guy frowns and runs out of the room. I lose hope as the guy disappears from sight and the door closes, sealing my fate.

Magnus POV

Derek the host is laughing and dancing with me, he's a good host in the sense that he doesn't get drunk at his own parties. I smile at him in my drunken state and capture his lips on mine. I knew I was going to regret getting drunk but for now I'm perfectly happy.

A guy rudely interrupts us when he taps Derek on the shoulder. Derek turns sprung looking faintly annoyed "Yes?" He asks. The guy looks a little disturbed.

"Uhm, I just thought you might want to know, I accidentally burst into the wrong room. And I think this group of people are trying to rape someone." He says glancing around nervously. Not our problem, I thought rudely. Derek is nice though and doesn't want any trouble at his party so he nods and follows the guy. He stops at a door upstairs and nods. The guy then runs away as fast as he can, I roll my eyes

Derek opens the door and the scene in front of me stops my heart.

Alec POV

After the guy left, I abandoned all hope. Sam then smirks at me puts the palm of his heel against my crotch, he pushed down and I bite my lip so hard I taste blood. "Enjoying this freak?" He asks laughing and his friends join in too. I wish I could disappear I don't want this to happen not now, not ever. "You'll enjoy everything coming next." He says laughing.

He sticks his hand down my boxers and grabs my crotch. I squirm as he squeezes me and I feel my tears spilling over. I whimper as he squeezes hard feeling me.

Then the door flies open and I don't dare to look to see who's there. Then chaos erupts as I hear shouts and yells I feel the air of the three attackers getting off of me but I lay there not daring to test my luck.


	4. Chapter 5

I stare at the ceiling wishing I could just disappear I try to get my breathing back to normal. A face appears in my view and I recognize it. Magnus.

He must hate me now, must think I'm a freak. "I'm sorry," I whisper. Magnus shakes his head and when he looks back at me his eyes have tears in them, which confuses me. I reach up and brush the ones that have spilled out and he gives me a small smile.

I withdraw my hand," I'm sorry, I know you don't want me anymore now." I say averting my eyes. "You silly shadow hunter, I will always want you," he replies. I stare at him not comprehending the words. His eyes hold a deep sorrow and regret but, for what? Saying that to me? Maybe he didn't really, maybe he regrets saying that now.

I feel like the walls are closing in on me, my breath become erratic I can't stand this anymore. "Baby, what's wrong?" He asks.

Someone clears there throat and I turn to c the blonde guy from earlier standing in the room. "Magnus, there's clearly something your not telling me here." He says.

"Oh, Derek that's not important right now," replies Magnus and the Derek guy just scoffs. I recognize his voice as the guy in the phone from earlier. Magnus carefully wraps his arms around me and whispers sweet nothings into my ear. I stare blankly ahead, this must all be a bitter sweet dream, maybe I past out at some point in the night.

I abruptly stand up and walk,shaking, to the door. "Darling are you alright?!" Magnus calls. Instead of answering I hunch my shoulders and walk out the door. I walk all the way back to Magnus's flat and luckily have the key he gave to me once upon a time.

I open the door and walk straight to the bedroom and collapse on the bed and let the nightmares consume me.

Magnus POV

I stare at his beautiful angelic face as he sleeps, I carefully climb into bed next to him and succeed in not waking him. I stare at his beautiful face and I feel like a total jerk. Scratch that I AM a total jerk. He isn't hurting too much right?

I hate everything that happened today, it shouldn't have happened to my shadowhunter. I just hope he was okay, I didn't think he was hurting too much was he..?

Alec POV

I felt a warmth next to me and snuggled deeper into that warmth. I slowly open my eyes and realize Magnus is next to me, so close, his arms around my waist. Whenever we slept he never would get close to me, this was new.

This felt so right, yet it felt too wrong. Why was Magnus changing? He was probably pitying me. What if he was being nice right now so he can break it to me he can no longer stand me!? I needed to calm down. But sadly I wasn't ready, I couldn't do this not now.

I carefully untangle my body from Magnus's and luckily he didn't wake. I proceed to write a note.

I sigh when I finish, and carefully place it next to his pillow. I take one last look at his peaceful sleeping face, free of any make up. And I leave his Flat.

I walk on the streets feeling the cool air against my face. I hail a taxi even though the nice stroll would be good.

I carefully walk up the steps of the institute and walk inside. The familiar eerie silence giving me memories of the past. The cool, musty air giving me chills.

Church appears and a small smile ghosts my face, and he leads me to where ever. I end up at the library and smile, this was always my comforting place. I open the double doors to see Jace and Izzy sitting and conversing.

Izzy is the first to notice my presence and she lets out an ear piercing shriek and rushes over to me. She hugs me so tight I can't breath but nonetheless I hug her back. "OMG ALECCC IM SO GLAD UR HERE!" She screeches and I chuckle. Have grins,"Glad ur back dude but, no offense why r u here?" He asks.

"How r u and Magnus?" Izzy asks excited. "I bet u and him are having so much fun especially in bed, is that why u never return my late night calls?" She asks smirking. "Izzy!" I say, my cheeks heating up. "So, Alec, enjoy pounding into Magnus?" Jace asks. I groan and put my hands into my face.

"We all know that Alec is the one getting it up his ass," Izzy says matter of factly. "IZZY!" I say shocked. "So tell us Alec, who's top and who's bottom?And u r not getting out of this one this time." Jace says smugly. "Fine," I mutter "Magnus is top, I'm bottom but anyways we've only done it once." I say quiet hoping they don't hear. Unfortunately they do, and Izzy shrieks "I KNEW IT HAHHA JACE PAY UP!"

I stare mortified as Jace grumbles and hands over $10. "You guys did not just pay each other cuz u had a bet about my sex life!" I say my face turning bright red. "Dude, your making tomatoes jealous right now." Jace says laughing. I groan not wanting to talk about this anymore.

"Why are you here dear brother?" Asks Izzy. "Well I haven't gotten in touch with y'all much and I wanted to catch up." I say. "Great!" Izzy says,"But where's Magnus? Why didn't he want to come?" "Er...well he uh had something to do?" It came out more of a question then an answer.

"Alec come on tell us, please don't close yourself off again." Again. She meant about when I found out about my sexuality. And then Max. Ouch. I didn't dare say it aloud though.

"Alec, you look different your thinner and paler is everything ok?" Izzy says concerned. "Let's just say Magnus and I aren't on the best term right now," I say Sighing.

"I swear if he hurts you I'm gonna hurt him and he'll be sorry he ever did anything to you!" Izzy says glaring." Please Iz don't hurt him," I say. "Alright, but if something is wrong please tell us Alec were here for you." She says giving me a comforting smile.

"Enough with this mopey stuff!Lets do something fun together!" Izzy declares. I groan, wondering what I've gotten myself into.

Magnus POV

I wake up and stretch, and reach over to pull Alec closer to me. I only find empty space where he should be. I look around but see him no where, and the apartment is too empty. I sigh hoping he just took a walk. Then I notice the note left on the pillow:

 _Dear Magnus,_

 _Please don't be mad but, I'm just not ready to hear it. Hate me all you want, I know you think I'm a coward now but, I can't stand it. I'm going to be away for a while, please don't look for me, I'll promise I'll be ready to face it when I come back. I know you don't love me but please, just give me this._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Alec L_.

 **O.o chills right! Anyways reviews guys! And thanks for the support sorry if I posted late cuz ya know school got meh like -.- Anyaays sorry if this is slow but are my chapters too short? And is my writing style okay? Cuz to meh it sounds horrible . PLZZ review and thx guys!**


	5. Chapter 6

**I hope my writing style is okay guys ?**

 **Anyways PLZZ review and I'll keep trying to update ASAP**

I groan, I can't believe I've survived two whole days with my siblings. I'm happy to be with them though but sometimes they can be a little much. Well more like all the time, but I still love them. I'm kind of happy to be back in my room at the institute, although It is very dull and cold, it brings me a sense of comfort from my childhood.

I haven't heard from Magnus in two days and I can't say I wasn't disappointed. Maybe he didn't get my letter or maybe he's right now laughing and getting drunk, who knows. I hoped he would read it and say it was all a mistake, but alas I guess he will really leave me, I thought sadly.

I guess I have my siblings but, soon I'll be forgotten by them too. Jace and Clary are madly in love I'm surprised they haven't gotten married already, And Izzy and Simon obviously have a great relationship. This leaves me, boring, lonely me. I'm happy for my siblings, I really am but when we I see the couples together it breaks my heart.

I'm super glad my parents aren't home, or if I can even call them that. They refused to acknowledge me as there son after I came out to them. This did not help me at all, at least I had Magnus to comfort and give me confidence. Now, I have no one, if my parents hear they'll tell me how it could never work between me and another male. Much less a shadowhunter and a Warlock.

My phone buzzes and breaks me out of my reverie. I look at the screen startled to see it indicating I have a new message from Magnus.

I nervously open it and read it:

Alec, we need to talk please come to Taki's at 7:00

I was really nervous, was he getting impatient that I've been running away from it? I'm not sure if I'm ready to face it. Well I know I'm never going to be able to face it, I guess I need to stop running from reality.

I walk down and into the library to find Izzy and Simon and Jace and clary together all laughing and happy. Suddenly I can't breathe, I'll never be happy, everyone can find love except me. I'm a freak, a disappointment I was never meant to be here. It should've been me, I thought, not Max. Max could've found love, I'll be alone forever, I should've been the one not him.

I was aware of four pairs of eyes on me and people calling my name. It sounded a million miles away and I felt as if I'm submerged under water. Am I finally losing it? Am I finally diving off the edge?

Someone grabs my arm, someone is shaking me, someone is trying to get me to stop. No that's not right I can't stop, it's like a drug I've been craving for a long time. To be nothing, to feel nothing. And they're trying to take it away. It's mine. Forever.

I have to win, let darkness consume all, I need this just this, do it for me. End my pain, end my misery. Let me be free.

I'm drawn back to reality, I'm lying flat on my back. I hear Izzy crying to my right and Jace is looking at me like I've gone crazy. Maybe I have, it would be better anyways. "What the hell man!" Jace says."You freaking scared us to death!Whats your problem." I stare at him unblinking, that's exactly it, I'm just a problem, a burden.

I stand up brushing off the hands of the others. Just then the double doors to the library and in steps the two people I've been dreading, and hoping they would never show up. Marsye and Robert.

They are glaring and it's directed straight at me. "What is this...thing doing here? I thought I made it clear you are never welcome here again." Robert says his voice rising. I stare at him my blood running cold. But silently my head is screaming "Yes! Hurt me, break me! Do anything just make me not fixable!"

"You are never welcomed in the institute, you are a disgrace to us and the shadowhunters. You have probably planted wrong ideas into your siblings head, now get out before I have to force you myself!" Robert yells.

I stare at the death glare from Robert who's seething. Then I look at Maryse who has a cold stare, yet she looks conflicted. Finally I stare at the four pairs of eyes. Happy couples who would be happy to not carry me as a burden anymore. They all want me gone.

Jace,Clary, Simon, and Izzy all look sad yet I know they are mad and it's all my fault. I really am a disgrace to the shadowhunters.

"I'm sorry," I whisper and I walk out of tune institute knowing they don't care.

I don't know where to go, I'm not welcomed at the institute, and I can't go to Magnus's flat. I end up going to the Mall deciding to wait there till I have to meet Magnus. It's about 1:00 pm. I have to spend the next five-ish hours at the Mall. Great.

I mostly just wandered around looking for a distraction. I mostly just observed other people trying to read them, finding others imperfections. Call me crazy, weird it doesn't affect me. Not anymore.

Finally 6:30 came around and I decided to leave to go to Taki's.

I arrived a little earlier then the original plan but I guess it would help to settle my nerves. Seven came around and I glanced around nervously, I took a sip of my water and stared at the door. The waiter came by and asked if everything was alright and if I wanted something to eat. Unfortunately I don't think I could be able to keep anything down, so I politely declined.

I thought back to how bad my days has been. I've been rejected by my parents, my siblings and friends and now it's time for my lover to leave me. Oh well, at least I'll get all the heartbreak over with. And then I'll leave. Leave everyone, even leave this world. Maybe I could be with Max, kind caring loving Max. And this brought back the memory of that night, the night when everything went wrong.

I smiled at Magnus who was happily laughing about something my siblings said. Magnus caught me staring at him and he smiled, love shining in his eyes. A light blush dusted my cheeks.

Max was chatting animatedly about the newest book he got and I smiled. Just then Izzy burst into the room saying about an attack and I was alert as ever. I told Izzy to stay back with Max. While Jace, Clary, Magnus, and I would investigate and fight off the demons. What I didn't know was I couldn't keep Max and Izzy safe.

As we were fighting the demons someone snuck in. They knocked out and almost killed Iz but, she barely survived. Max on the other hand wasn't so lucky. He ran trying to get our attention, trying to get to us but he wasn't fast enough.

I remember the scene that met our eyes when we came back into the institute thinking we had an easy victory...

 _Iz was lying on the floor, looking pale and basically dead. My heart stopped in my chest, she couldn't be dead! Then I spotted Max poor little Max, his glasses askew on his face, deep gashes along his body, and he was swimming in a pool of blood. No, no no no no, I thought he was not dead, no matter what. Jace had checked Izzy's pulse and she was barely alive, Max on the other hand was not so lucky. I stared broken, at the sight of my dead little brother. It was all my fault, I should've saved him, I let my little brother die..._

I was snapped back to reality when someone dropped dishes with a crash. Magnus still hasn't showed up and it was past nine-thirty. I hastily wiped the tears that managed to escape.

Even though Magnus, hadn't rejected me yet, I felt the heartbreak of him doing it. Why hasn't he shown up? I left Taki's at eleven, I was starting to hope he would show up but he never did.

I just wanted it to be over with. I just wanted to be done.

 **Guys are u proud of meh! I updated another chapter within the same day! Noot noot! Anyways sorry if my spelling is bad because I do not read it over to check for mistakes PLZZ review so I can update the next chapter!**


	6. Chapter 7

**Sorry for not updating sooner but here is the next chapter! (This chapter does contain a smutty scene!)**

Where do I go? I'm obviously not welcomed at the institute anymore. Should I go to Magnus's flat? Would he even want me to go?

I ended up renting a really small, crappy hotel room for the night. Truth be told I was scared. I thought I was ready but, I'm not. I can't stand the look Magnus will give me when he breaks it off.

I lay on the hard, springy bed and stare at the walls that have cracks crawling in some places. This is how it will end I guess. Alec Lightwood being a Nobody and long forgotten by everyone. I listen to shouting and noises from other rooms, eventually drifting off into an uneasy sleep.

The next day I wake up hoping that everything would be right. That my family loves me for who I am. That Magnus still loved me. Oh what the hell, I need to stop this pathetic pity party. I deserved this, it was my fault and I needed to fix things. Or face them. Sighing I decided to do it, to not run anymore, to stop being the coward.

My jaw dropped when I saw the clock read three-thirty pm. How long was I asleep? Then again I never got "good" sleep in the last couple months. I felt better but, I was scared. I was scared for the shit to come. I would face it though, get everything over with.

Before I knew it, I was standing before his flat. My breath quickened but, I would NOT panic now. Breathe, I scolded myself. I knocked, unsure at first but, when no one answered I did it with more force. Then it all hit me. What was I doing!? How could I think I was actually ready? What the hell was I doing.

Then the door opened revealing a very pissed looking Magnus. When he saw me though he looked surprised. He was wearing gray sweatpants, with a purple tank top. His hair was down, hanging around his face and it was devoid of any makeup. "What are you doing here?" He asks.

"Well, uh I mean you didn't show up yesterday so-I mean that's fine and all but whatever you uh wanted to tell me, you can tell me now I'm ready. Well that's of course if your not busy," I said and mentally slapped myself for how stupid I sounded.

Again Magnus looked mildly surprised. "Oh right, yesterday. Listen sorry about that I was...busy and I completely forgot." He says actually sounding guilty. We awkwardly stand there for a few moments but then he invites me inside. He looks around nervously.

"Sorry I didn't clean up, I wasn't expecting you." Again he sounds guilty. And I couldn't help but wince at the fact that he forgot I had moved in with him and we live together.

We sat down on the bed and even though my mind screamed me not to, I glanced over and looked at Magnus. Something was off, he was unusually tense. His eyes had emotions that kept fleeting across his features, and he looks very conflicted.

"Magnus listen," I pipe up "I know I'm making things awkward so I'll leave if you want."

"Alec no," he says. I look over and we both look surprised that, that was said. He looks right into my eyes, and there is something in them that I can not identify. I play with the hem of my sweater with nervousness. The silence seems to stretch on forever and I can feel Magnus's eyes drilling into the side of my head.

I feel like screaming or I feel like crying in tears of joy, it's weird I know, I don't even know why I feel like this.

"Alexander," he says softly. My head snaps toward him as he uses my full name for the first time in months. I always loved it when he said my full name, it rolled off his tongue nicely and it is utterly sexy.

He looks at me with deep sadness but, he also looks at me with love. Love and sadness swirled together in his golden green eyes. Love. How is that possible. How does Magnus love me? Am I dreaming?

"Alec, I'm sorry," Magnus says and looks away. Right, I was getting my hopes up, he regrets looking at me like that when we both know it's not true. I stare at the door, contemplating if I should make a run for it or not.

"Alec, please. Baby, look at me," Magnus begs. I can't bring myself to look because I'm a coward, I'm scared what I'll see in those gorgeous eyes.

I feel Magnus's gentle hands cup my face and he turns it until I'm staring deep into his green and gold orbs. Eyes that hold sorrow, eyes that hold regret. But most importantly and surprisingly, eyes that hold mostly love. Love. Love for me. My heart is beating so fast I'm afraid it will explode.

"I love you," he whispers and I feel like my whole world is back together, everything is right again. He loves me still, my best dream being spoken aloud.

"I love you too, Magnus, I always have," I say my voice cracking at the end. He smiles wide and he pulls my face towards his and crashes our lips together. The kiss holds a hundred emotions. The only thing I can focus on is how sweet it is. It's basically screaming how much he truly loves pulls away and rests our foreheads against each other.

"I'm sorry baby, I know I haven't been fair. I was afraid but please forgive me." He says placing little kiss on my face.

"Of course I do Magnus, you don't understand how much I've always wanted you." He smiles softly and brings our lips together again. Soon the kiss becomes more urgent and heated. And he pulls me closer to him.

I straddle his hips and cup his face with my hands. His arms wrap around my waist, and everything feels perfect again. He deepens the kiss and I gladly comply. We break away for the much needed air and he places kisses along my jaw. I tilt my head back and let out a moan as he gently sucks on the sensitive skin.

His hands find the hem of my sweater and he pulls it up and over my head. Not wanting to be the only one, I remove his tank top too. His eyes are darkening as he looks over my torso. Our hands can't get enough of one other as we run them over each other. He flips me so I'm no longer straddling him, he is now laying on top of me, resting on his elbows so he doesn't crush me.

"Darling, if this gets to be too much please tell me, okay?" He says sounding concerned.

"Magnus," I say "I want this and I don't want to stop." His eyes widen a little but he nods and smiles, soft and reassuring.

He places gentle kisses along my throat and I absolutely love how sweet the gesture is. He sucks on the pulse on my neck and I bite my lip to keep from making any noises.

"Baby, please don't do that. If you do, I'll have to right now pound into you so hard, you won't remember your name." He says smirking. That's the Magnus I knew. I smiled and a blush spread across my face.

He sucks on the sensitive skin and smiles approvingly when he sees it left a mark. He rolls his hips against mine and I cry out loud and I noticed the way his eyes darkened with lust. My legs wrap around his waist and he continues a grind. He leans over me so his face is next to mine and I can feel his hot breath against my face.

I brought my hips to meet his and I moan loudly into his ear. He stops moving his hips and I whimpered at the loss. He starts placing wet kisses across my chest. He continues making a trail of kisses and teasingly dipped his tongue into my navel. I let out a gasp of surprise and he smirks against my abdomen.

His hands went to the button of my jeans and he looks back up at me to confirm if it was okay. I gave a slight nod of confirmation. And he smiles softly.

He unbuttons my jeans and carefully slides them off leaving me just in my boxers. He looks at me with a predatory gaze and I feel my cock give a slight twitch. I can't help but feel even more aroused whenever he looks at me like that.

He winks at me and me and slowly crawls back up to give me a passionate kiss. My hands tangle into his hair and i give a tug and feel him moaning into my mouth. His hands travel down past my waist until they rest on my ass.

Then both his hands come around the front of my waist and he carefully touches me through my boxers. He slowly sits back on his heels and proceeds to pull down my boxers from my slim hips. Now I am fully exposed to him and I can't help but blush and look away. I hear him intake a sharp breath and breathe out slowly. He cups my face and forces me to look at him.

"Baby, your beautiful and don't let anyone tell you otherwise." He whispers and places a chaste kiss on my mouth. He places a blazing trail of kisses down my torso that leave a burning fire of desire.

Magnus looks up at him from his position in between my legs and he gives me a wide lusty smile. My breathing picks up and we stared at each other for a few moments. He winks and I feel his breath ghosting over my arousal.

I let my head fall back against the pillows and I try to keep my breathing even. He carefully takes the head into his mouth and I cry out my hips jerking upward. Magnus places a hand on my hip to keep me from moving too much and I let a small whimper when he licks up my whole length. He takes the head back into his mouth and carefully sucks on it. My breathing was coming in short tiny gasps. Then, he swallowed me, until my whole length was in his mouth.

He started bobbing his head and swirling his tongue, tracing random patterns against my heated flesh. I cry out when his teeth gently scrape against my sensitive skin. He comes back up until the head us just in his mouth and slowly sucks on. He uses his tongue to tease the slit. He continues this and I unconsciously spread my legs out wider. I feel a slow pressure in my abdomen and I feel sweat dripping down my neck and back.

He kept teasing me by rolling his tongue against the head and teasing the slit. "By the Angel!" I cry out loudly and I fisted my hands into the sheets. I was panting and moaning loudly and I saw stars against my eye lids.

Magnus brings his other hand and carefully cup my balls. He carefully massages them together and I cry out.

"Magnus! Mag-I, Angel! Mags-ohmy-M-mags," I whimper. He continues massaging my balls and I feel the pressure building up. Magnus seems to know this too and he stops all movement.

"Enjoying it baby?" He asks his eyes completely filled with lust.

""Angel, yes! Please don't stop!" I whimper.

"I suppose," he says smirking," but why do you deserve this pleasure? You feeling all great while I get to watch you writhe and cry out?"

"Please, Mags, I'll do anything, just don't stop!" I cry. He then starts slowly pumping my cock and I let out a startled shriek and my head falls back against the pillows.

"Anything, you say?" He says smirking. And carefully massages my balls and teasingly licks the pre-cum from my slit.

"Y-Angel! M-mags y-yes any-OHMYANGEL!" I cry out as the pleasures are becoming too much.

"Sorry baby can't here you, what?" Magnus says smiling evilly. I let out another moan as he licks from base to tip.

"Please Mags I'll do anything you want later just don't stop!" I say.

"Anything for you baby," he says smirking.

He licks the stream of pre-cum running down my length and my hips involuntary jerk up. He takes me into his mouth again and he sucks hard. My hands fist into the sheets, my head is moving from side to side while my mouth is open in pleasure.

I cry out his name like its a chant and I grip the sheets so hard my knuckles turn white.

My hips began moving with his movements and I can no longer control my body. He hollows out his cheeks and sucks hard and drags his teeth, this pushes me over the edge.

I scream out his name loud, my back arches and my eyes cross and roll back into my head. I see stars as I come hard into his mouth, this is the best orgasm I've ever had. He still sucks me until I'm completely spent and I collapse boneless onto the bed. He waits until my breathing becomes normal again and he crawls back up to me.

He gives me a kiss and I taste myself on his lips. He pulls the covers over us and wraps his arms around me and I snuggle into his chest.

"You were so hot, baby," he whispers.

"But what about you?" I say sleepily.

"What about me? Oh! Don't worry darling, just watching you writhing on the bed wet and sweaty was enough to make me come in my pants," he says smirking and gives me a wink. I make a sleepy sound of protest but he just smiles and places a little peck on my sweaty forehead.

"I love you," he whispers, smiling.

"I love you too, Mags," I reply and drift off into a blissful sleep

 **HEHEHHEHE u guys like it? Anyways this is not the end yet! There is still chapters to come!**


	7. Chapter 8

Hey guys I really hope y'all can forgive me...I haven't updated in what seems like forever and no I haven't given up on it. School was so bad and stressful but good news! Since it's the break expect plenty of chapters coming ur way!

It is dark, I can't see anything in front of my nose and I shudder when my fingers brush the a thousandth cobweb. The lights flash on all of a sudden and I blink rapidly to adjust to the brightness.

Magnus stands in the middle of the room contrasting the drab room, he stands out like a disco ball in a museum...which is quite accurate. He is literally a walking glittery disco ball. I shake my head to clear my mind and I smile and start to walk to him.

Something is off, terribly wrong put I can't place my finger on it. It all seems to bright too happy, nothing has been happy since...a while.

I stop in my tracks when a pair of arms wrap around his waist and Derek's face comes into view his navy eyes staring straight at me, challenging. I take a step back and look at Magnus.

A silence seems to stretch on forever and Derek looks smug while Magnus is impassive.

"M-Magnus..?" I say and silently curse myself when my voice cracks. He looks at Derek for a minute before he looks at me hesitantly.

"Alec I-I'm sorry but you and me, will never work out. And it's just about time you come to terms with that, I'm sorry I do love u...but it's complicated..." He says and looks away. Derek squeezes his arm comforting him while I stare at them dumbfounded.

"You...what?" I say, the words still not reaching my mind yet.

"Alec, he doesn't love you, he never did. He felt bad for the mistreated and shunned shadow hunter so he wanted to show u happiness. He didn't know you were going to fall so hard for him, his relationships are never that serious, especially with a shadow hunter." Derek explains, all the while looks extremely confident.

I look over at Magnus to confirm but he doesn't say anything to deny it.

"I-I...you-I..." My cheeks flush as embarrassment washes over me. I feel so exposed and wish to just disappear into the floor.

I know the pain and grief will crush me later but all that matter right now is to not think, to not analyze because I do that too often and the pain will come over me. I stare at them blankly, who cares what they think or do they're of no importance to me.

Don't think, don't think, an endless loop in my head keeping me alive. Them holding hands right now doesn't bother me, nope. Or the fact that they look so perfect together, nope doesn't affect me.

I took one last look at them printing it into my mind and then I ran, I ran like hell was on my heels and not once did I look back.

I woke up with a start, my body drenched in sweat. I looked over at the clock and it read three am. I sigh as the nightmare still left chills running down my spine. And looked over at the peaceful sleeping face of Magnus. It was only a dream I remind myself and I stretch my limbs.

I smile but then frown realizing I can't just forgive Magnus like that. Yes, I do love him and would do anything to just live happily with him but, after everything I doubt that's ever possible again.

I sigh not wanting to get a headache but I know this topic can't be easily avoided. I think I've come to a conclusion though, I'm willing to start over but everything will evolve slower the before. Or at least as slow before I can't control myself.

I nestle against Magnus and breathe in his familiar scent, sandalwood. This felt so right, yet it felt wrong...

A buzzing noise brought me out of my reverie and I turned to investigate the sound. It was coming from Magnus phone but I hesitated to search further. Who would be calling Magnus late at this time? Not a client that's for sure he almost never gave them his personal number. Ugh, trust issues.

The buzzing noise is insistent, whoever it is wants to make sure there heard. I hear Magnus beside me start to stir and I lay back down, pretending to sleep. Don't call me out, or anything but I can't help want to do a little spying.

Magnus has always been a light sleeper so no wonder the noise woke him up. I watch through slits at what he does. Careful to make my breath slow and calm.

He stretches at first and yawns multiple times, him never being a morning person. He glances over and carefully reaches over me to get his phone. I hear him sigh loudly before he answers.

"What do you want now?" Magnus says, highly irritated, his voice bordering on dangerous. I smile internally, knowing the person on the other end will not appreciate Magnus wrath. Magnus stays silent as he listens to the person on the other end. I can't see his facial expressions in the dark, which annoys me.

"Okay, sorry-yes I understand I promised but I was busy okay...yes it was important I was trying to be FORGIVIN! You know the blue-eyed shadowhunter...yes it was important. I understand I made a promise and I'm sorry I wasn't able to be there with you but I will make it up to you!" Magnus says his voice holding annoyance get a familiar trace of...tender.

"Oh yes, don't worry I'll make it up to you for sure, babe. You don't understand I want you right now. I'm starting to regret not going over to yours...mmmm baby I can just feel you right now. I want to fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk for a week!" Magnus says into the phone.

"M-Mags...?" My voice squeaks into the the darkness. Silence ensues across the room, nothing is heard not even a single breathe, it seems the whole world is waiting and anticipating.

His fingers snap and the lamp is lit, he looks at me with pure horror written on his face. So I wasn't hallucinating...it is all true.

"I...uh did..you?" He says, for once at a loss of words.

"I trusted you" I say, my voice breaking at the end. " I went through all this crap for I was willing to let everything go and start new with you but...you you just through me away..." I say blinking back tears.

He stays silent and I can see the frustration and guilt on his features. He doesn't say anything and my heart breaks for the thousandth time. I felt so disgusted, just hours ago I let him be intimate with me, just hours ago he told me he loved me.

Lies, lies everywhere they filled the walls, suffocated the air, choking me. I climbed out of bed and carefully backed away from him.

"You-you lied to me...I trusted you but you- you just use me I give you chances but you through them away." I say as I snatch clothes off the floor to put on.

I'm at the door now, my legs threatening to collapse yet, Magnus remains silent.

I don't know what to say, I watch as my whole world is crashing down on me and I watch it, let it happen. I was so foolish to think that he actually loved me. So foolish to think he accepted me after everything. So I did the only sensible thing in my mind then.

I ran, I ran like hell was on my heels.

And not once did I look back...

Sorry guys again please forgive me, don't worry I'll be updating more!3


	8. Chapter 9

**Another chapter! Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. Except Derek ;)**

My mind was in a hazy fog, I wouldn't think, I couldn't think, my brain wasn't allowing me to. I would walk through hell's deepest darkest places for Magnus, yet he wouldn't even lift a figure for me.

My face burns bright red with embarrassment as I remember all the times he was loving me just to realize it was all a hoax. Some stupid, messed up scheme to make me fit in. But he just turns around and throws it back into my face.

I shudder against the cold breeze that surrounds me but, I keep on running. I run till I can no longer move and I collapse on the ground not knowing or caring where I am. I stay there for who knows how long and I finally lift my head from my curled position to glance around. I had collapsed by some building of some sort, it looms above the street giving me a foreboding feeling. Shaking my head I stand up and brush the dirt off my pants.

I stand up and walk, not knowing who or what I pass. I get this weird feeling of being watched but I shake it off. I turn left and I spot a Java Jones and quickly head inside. I take a seat and order coffee to settle my nerves.

I sit and sit. I stare at the steam curling from my cup and watch as it rises, rises to freedom.

I shudder as a sudden chill crawls down my spine and the hair on the back of my neck rises. I raise my head and my eyes dart around the building.

In the middle of the room sits an elderly couple smiling as they talk about easy simple things. In the very corner sits a younger couple smiling, the first signs of love as they hold hands. In another booth sits a group of friends laughing and telling secrets that will remain unspoken to me. I hear shouting and clapping and turn to see the same group focused on two members of the group kissing. I look away and stare out the window into the sky, dawn breaking out. I glanced at the clock on the wall by the register, seven am.

I look around once more and I spot one more person sitting at a table all alone. They wore a black hoodie and the hood was concealing their face from view. They sat hunched over reading the newspaper and I watched as one of his hands was drawn out of his pockets. His hand is shaking violently as he struggles to grasp his cup. I notice his skin is pale but of course not as pale as mine and it had a faint tan, making it seem a little golden-ish.

I watch as he carefully raises his head and turns it toward my direction. A shadow casts over his face so all I see is darkness. The moment that passes between us seems to stretch on forever and I wonder what's going through his head.

All of a sudden he stands up so fast he almost knocks his chair down. I look around startled to see if anyone else noticed but everyone else is going on with their normal lives. When I glance back at the mysterious man's table he is no where to be found. I then hear the clang of the door being closed and with a slight hesitation I get up and head out.

I see the person walking to the left and I follow hoping for the best. The person stops and I slowly approach. As if electrocuted the person jolts when I'm only a few feet away and continues walking but, at a faster pace. Startled I look around to see if anyone else saw this strange encounter but, I continue on.

The person turns into an alleyway and i hesitate to follow but, deciding I have nothing to lose I follow him. He's standing in the middle and his back is still facing me.

All of a sudden he turns around and charges at me. He grabs my shoulders and shakes them violently, everything happening in a split second I hardly have time to react.

"You!" He yells "You have it out for me, don't you!."

He pauses and lowers his hood revealing his face and by his expression he seems to want some reaction. I study him to stretch on the time. His skin looks like it used to be tan but now it's more pale, his eyes are a light and dark shade of green at the same time. His hair hair is blonde but turning slightly light brown. His eyebrows are drawn together and his expression is angered.

"Anything to say?"he pauses once more before continuing,"Alexander Lightwood."

I jump startled, I don't ever remember telling him my name.

"Don't know?" He says, a little taken aback. "Their after you," he whispers.

I look at him as if just asked me out on a date after creepily knowing my name and shaking me. Not that I wanted him to ask me out or anything, he wasn't THAT good looking. I mean not that he was-I shake my head to stop my mind.

"Their after you," he repeats. "They caught me and I heard them, they want you, I've seen pictures, documents everything. They're really out to get you, Alexander."

"Alec," I say. He nods and dismisses it with a wave of his hand.

"You're not safe," he says shaking his head," It was a miracle I escaped but, you don't understand, you can't ever be alone. Their searching for you and they won't stop."

He looks a little crazed, and I wonder if I should make a run for it. His eyes carefully shift over my shoulder and his eyes widen a fraction of a centimeter.

"Listen, I understand you may have had some tough times but-" I start but get cut off by him slamming me into him and he wraps his arms around me. Before I can protest I hear one thing he whispers in my ear, that does nothing to settle me:

"Shit, they've come."

 **Hehehehe can't wait for more right?** ;)


	9. Chapter 9 and a half

IMPORTANT:Please check out my Instagram and follow cuz I really want to get to know y'all! (IG:xxshadowblade13xx) I can't stress it enough! But I bet a lot of u don't even read this crap at the top xD Anyways another chapter enjoy!

Time seems to be frozen in this instant, my breathing has stopped and there was only one question on my mind: Who's come?

"They probably haven't recognized you yet, don't show your face!" He whispers fiercely.

He pushes me back slightly and steps around me. I hold my breath, waiting for something bad to happen. Breathe, I tell myself and breathe in and out deeply.

"Proud, are you?" He asks, I can practically here the smugness in his voice. "Finally found me, when I was so easy to find. You can have me but, you have to promise my...cousin is safely returned."

"Bullshit C48, we know that's not your cousin and finding you was just a bonus." Says a gruff voice.

"We're not here for you, we're here for Alexander Lightwood." Says another voice.

I can feel the tension in the air and at any second now I know it shall pop.

"What the hell are you talking about, I don't know who Alexander Lightning or whatever is. This is my cousin and I was showing him around town!" Spat C48. What a strange name, I thought.

"Son of a gun, cut this shit out and you will be spared serious punishment." Growled one of the other guys.

"Well if you remember perfectly it takes a per-" C48 was cut of and I heard a loud thump as they fell to the floor. I didn't know what to do but just then I heard C48 scream run and that's all it took before I took off.

When I turned around there was 5 other guys, not counting the one that tackled C48. Taking a deep breath, I charge them. And at the last moment before coming in close contact with them, I used all my strength to leap over them.

I landed and rolled to brace the impact and immediately got up to run. I could hear the yelling of them behind me and I chanced a glance back to see three of them chasing me.

I sprint down the sidewalk and was glad for my workouts with Jace. I took sharp turn after turn trying to lose them but, they kept on my heels.

I turn around to see them holding strange gun-like weapons that are pointing directly at me. My eyes widen as one aims and shoots and I duck, it barely missing my head. Cursing my luck, I struggle as I dodge multiple shots fired at me.

My luck runs out as one hits my ankle and I gasp. The ammunition is a spiked wore that entangles around you and it sends electrical pulses every few seconds. I struggle to keep running but I can't, not like this.

I collapse to the floor and attempt to crawl but, fail. The wire around my ankle brings excruciating pain and I gasp as shock after shock hits me like waves.

My vision becomes blurry and I feel hands grabbing me and hoisting me in the air. My hands get tied behind my back and they carry me.

After a while, I hear a honk of a horn and turn to see a van pull up to the curb.

"Put him in the back with the other one." The driver growls and all hopes disappear.

They put a blindfold over my eyes and they roughly shove me into the back of the van. I hear the door shutting and the rev of the engine coming back to life.

I feel tears threatening to spill and I bite my lip so hard it starts bleeding. Why am I so unlucky!?

I feel someone grab my arms and drag me across the floor. I cringe away, a weak attempt to protest but, I know it will do nothing.

"Shhh, it's me, calm down!" I hear the familiar voice say. I gasp as I recognize...C48? As if reading my thoughts he tells me he tried fighting the other but he couldn't and he got recaptured.

He carefully grabs my face and pulls it toward him and then proceeds to undo my blindfold. It falls to the floor and I blink a few times to adjust.

My ankle throbs and I groan in pain. C48 glances down and sees my ankle and I watch him wince slightly.

"Sorry, forgot to warn you about their weapons, they can be pretty nasty. Here let me help you." He says reaching down. He grabs the wire and I watch his face, it's determined and shows no hint of pain.

He carefully starts untangling it and after what seems like forever to me he gets it off. He throws it in the corner and I wince when he carefully touches it.

We sit in silence after that, listening to the silent mummy ring of our kidnappers up front.

"So, is your name actually C48, not that it's a bad name or anything..." I say to break the silence.

He looks over at me and seems to contemplate how to answer.

"Well you see, the place we are going no one exactly had names there. We are labeled by letters and numbers and basically get used to it." He says, and pauses for a split second before continuing. " But, my real name is actually Karson."

I nod and we continue in silence, before Karson breaks it this time.

"The place we are going to, I just have to warn you because I may never see you again but, be careful. Observe everything and find a way to escape. Also never talk back, I learnt that the hard way but even still I do it," he says laughing.

"I have a question," I blurt out. He looks at me with an eyebrow raised and without meaning to I blush.

"It doesn't relate to surviving at this place you talk about but...why did you save me back there." I say. He stares at me blankly and I hurry to explain.

"Well, I mean you could have used me to blackmail them for like your freedom or something but you sacrificed yourself for me to try to escape." I say the last words barely a whisper.

He looks at me for a few seconds and I'm afraid I said something wrong but he looks down at his hands and plays with his shoelaces.

"Well, I've been there long enough. It's a living hell. No one deserves to be there I want to save any person I can from that place. Alexander you don't deserve to go to that place, especially since you have never been there before. You don't deserve it."

"And you do?" I question. Bad mistake his eyes darken and he seems in a far away world.

"Well, let's just say my past is probably way worse then yours and...I've don't things I regret but I can't turn back now." He says quietly.

I want to say something comforting but nothing seems right so I remain silent. The van comes to a sudden vault and I hear the noise of doors being closed.

Karson's face becomes grim as he looks over at me and tells me to stay safe.

Before the doors open to the back, Karson's suddenly splits a grin showing his shiny white perfect teeth and says:

"Welcome to hell."

 **Dun dun dunnnnnnn**

 **More to come folks ;3**


	10. Chapter 10

**Another chapter whoop! Disclaimer: I own none of da characters. Well I do own Karson.**

They roughly shove us out of the van and Karson spits on one of the guys face earning a small chuckle from me but, a slap to the face from another. We approach a building that looks like it can barely stand up on its own. All of the neighboring houses look abandoned and every door and window is locked tightly. We continue to the tall building that gives me a foreboding feeling and we pass a rusty gate that seems rather more for decoration then protection.

A gunshot is heard in the distance and I cringe away, earning loud guffaws from the attackers. At the door they knock a couple of time and wait, I shift nervously on my feet expecting the worst scenario to happen.

The door is unlocked by a bodyguard of some type, who is carrying a lethal weapon. He seems to recognize the group and a wide smile replaces his grim face. Not a comforting smile but one that sets off a million alarms in your head, screaming to you: DANGER!

I shudder as the door opens wide and the man who unlocked it stares at me hungrily.

We walk across a series of hallways that left me confused after the first two turns. We pass a lot of doorways and staircases but none of them seem to be the destination. Finally we reach a room with two giant oak doors that have a weird symbol engraved into them.

They open the huge doors and we enter a library. It's filled with old dusty books that if in any normal situation would have me looking through all day. But of course that's not the case right now and they roughly shove Karson and I to keep moving. In one of the corners of the shelves lies a secret hidden staircase that leads downwards.

They force us to go down and they follow right on our heels. I shudder at the smell, and look over to Karson who just seems like he is facing an old enemy. Which is actually quit literal.

We continue the descent and after what seems like forever we finally reach the bottom. It splits off into different hallways and above each there are labels but, before I can ready any I'm shoved forward to continue moving. I look over to see Karson being shoved into a separate hallway and he looks over at me and gives me a small smile. He mouths the words: be careful and I give a slight nod in acknowledgment.

I'm then roughly shoved forward and lent down yet more corridors. We stop in front of a door that looks different then the surrounding ones. This one is more polished and just regal looking.

They open the door and I step into a sterile office with a single person sitting at a table. They don't even glance up as we approach them. They wear a neat dark suite with shiny polished shoes. They have dark hair and glasses perched on a sharp nose. Dark, bottomless eyes that stare right through you seeming to know every detail about you.

I'm roughly shoved forward and the man looks me up and down.

"Ah, Alexander, what a pleasure to..meet you. You will call me Mr. Blackturn. We have been searching for you for a while. And we'll know that we've got you..." Mr Blackturn says, his eyes lighting up hungrily.

I swallow deeply and a single bead of sweat roles down my face. We looks at me for a couple more seconds before deciding to talk again.

"Why are you here, what is this place, you may be Wondering. All good questions yes but, at this place you will learn to never talk back and ask questions." He says grinning and he places the book he was holding down on the table.

" You see, the Clave has been here a long time, has it not? And to know what the Clave says: _Sed lex dura lex._ The law is hard, but it is the law. For a time everything was okay some rules weren't broken but you know time passes, conflict arises." Mr. Blackturn says and I suddenly get a very bad feeing about this.

"I think you may know here I am going with this," He continues, "Us shadowhunters...or former ones, know that some rules shouldn't be broken and when they are they should be severely punished. But lately on a...captain rule that have been pretty lenient, have they not?"

"They allow Shadowhunters to mingle with the same gender and as you know that's extremely crude and just not right! But everyone has seemed to let it go by! But our organization has given when should've been done! We created this a couple years ago because a lot of us agreed that being...gay is wrong." He grins, his face full of malice.

"You see Alexander, you are a very,very special boy. You just love getting the attention, do you not? Making a mark and kissing that Warlock in front of everyone! You just can't seem to stop! On top of being disgusting you just seem to want to show it to everyone! And especially mingling with downworlders. You must come to understand that these kinds are separate and meant to stay that way for the good of both kinds." He says.

"And this place is where we punish people. And Alexander we have been wanting to get you for a while now." He says folding his hands together. I'm sweating a lot and my eyes shift nervously side to side.

"Well Alexander, I shall stop talking now. It's nice to have met you and you shall enjoy your stay." He says his eyes staring directly at me.

His intense stare is cut off by the polished door being slammed shut. The three guards lead me down hallways and I look down staring at the cracking stone.

"We're showing you to your cell now," one says sounding bored. I don't say anything and earn a slap upside my head but I don't flinch, I won't give them the satisfaction.

We stop In front of a cell, each cell has a curtain that goes across the bars and provides some privacy at times. But then again it can easily be pushed aside.

They open the cell and shove me roughly inside me being off balance I fall unable to catch myself.

"Hey, welcome cell mate!" Says a familiar voice and I turn to see Karson grinning at me.

"You're the new C47 and you will answer whenever you are called." Growls a soldier roughly and then they leave locking it shut.

"What happened to the other C47," I ask.

"Oh you know, accidents happen. I'll just say you will never meet the old C47." He says. I gulp loudly.

"Don't worry that will never happen to you...well hopefully." He says clapping me on the back.

And that definitely reassures me.


	11. Chapter 11

**New chapter, sorry again that I haven't updated lol. Happy New year everyone I hope y'all are enjoying it so far.**

A million pairs of eyes stare back at me. All judging me, some hold pride others hold great disgust. A particular pair stand out to me, a pair that holds pride and love. The eyes that keep me safe, the ones that are my world.

A sharp pain explodes on my right cheek and I bolt up so fast my head smacks into something else.

"Ow, geez watch it." Karson says, faintly annoyed. I frown at him and get up from the tattered bed.

"Chill, Alexander you can't survive this place without having humor." Karson says following me.

"Yeah well, I don't wanna survive this place, I want to leave," I retort glaring at him. The tension between us is almost unbearable but, he breaks it first by shrugging and sitting on the edge of he bed.

"I'm sorry," he mutters," it's just I made a promise to myself after being in here...I wanted to save everyone from this, I was gonna plan and destroy it somehow, someway."

"You can't save everyone..." I say softly. He looks up at me for a couple of seconds.

"You really are something, aren't you Alexander Lightwood." He says, smiling.

"Alec," I corrected giving him a small smile.

"Why'd you wake me up anyways," I say, glancing at the small, cracked clock on the wall.

"I know it's a little early but, it's always better to wake up before they do, trust me it's not pleasant. Plus I was bored, I don't sleep most nights," he explains.

I roll my eyes and lay back down on the small mattress. There's only one bed, if you can even call it that but, Karson offered me to have it and him sleep on the bench.

It still puzzles me how Karson survived all this time, how he still manages to be sane after being in here. I wonder how long he actually has...

"So, how did you end up here," I say curiously.

He looks at his shoes and I can tell he's thinking yet his face remains impassive.

"Well they explained it to you did they not? This is where they punish people for being who they, for punishing people for loving and having human emotions." He says looking back up at me, his eyes filled with anger.

"I was once a shadowhunter, a young reckless one I might add. I loved fighting demons and saving the world yes but, all in all the shadowhunters world wasn't for me. I was still figuring myself out and everything and I hated all the responsibilities and duties I had to take on. I was even debating to just leave and live a normal mundane life."

He looks at his hands and at the door before continuing.

"Then one day we held a small party to our close ones and...they attacked. They must've planners it well ahead, it was stealthy and well executed. I don't know what's wrong with this organization they attack certain people and will doing anything to them..."

"Anyways, I think most were killed but they spared me and brought me back here. Some days I think it would've been better if I just would've...went on with my family...some days I honestly don't know what I'm living for."

He states hard at the ground before looking me straight in the eyes with a newfound emotion.

"But you, Alexander, you've given me a new reason to fight. I will save you, your something that is meant and worth saving," he says intensely.

I felt heat rise to my cheeks but I hold his gaze. I felt pride and happiness glow deep down inside, very faint but still there. Karson gave me something that I had lost for a while, something that I thought I would never have back. But right here with him I felt it resonating in my bones and filling every dark crack. And right then, I wouldn't trade the world to be someone else.

[MAGNUS POV]

I paced back and forth across the room, Chairman meowing loudly at my feet but I ignored him.

The cat had enough to eat anyways, he could wait. Especially when my dear Alexander had run away. I stared dejectedly at the bed where we had been together only moments ago.

Maybe I should track him but no, knowing Alexander he would want his space to think things through.

No one expects what the famous High Warlock of Brooklyn will ever do. And this is probably one of the top things on the list. Yes I had a last with sleeping around but, Alexander is my love. My absolute motivation to get up everyday and see him.

I thought I was saving him. I thought he could move on and find mortal love and be happier. I knew my immortality would cause conflicts in the future and I didn't want it to tear us apart.

But I had fallen for the Blue-eyed angel and I can't bare to think of him with someone else. Holding, kissing, loving someone else.

He was trouble that was for sure, i had fallen so hard for him and I just pushed him away.

I made a grand mistake and that's saying something, Magnus Bane never admitted his faults.

In all my years I hadn't realized I would be so confused by the sting emotion I felt for this boy. But I will do anything to fight for him and get him back into my life again.


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry again guys for updating late! But don't worry I'm never gonna give up on this fanfic, just so u know! At the least I will update once a month but I'll try to do more. But I will never EVER give up on this story! Just fyi?**

[ALEC POV]

My back ached from bending over and beads of sweat rolled down my face from the humid room. A dozen other bodies crowded the small room, doing the same pointless job of attempting to fix random contraptions that looked pretty much useless.

A while later after being somewhat rudely awaken by Karson, they took me out of the cell to do labor and Karson was led somewhere else.

There was no clock on the wall, so there was absolutely nothing to tell how long we have been here. I wondered how many people were actually down here and how big this place actually was.

I glanced back at the stone cold expressions of the guards standing by the door and I sighed dejectedly. My muscles cramped from over exertion and sweat stung my eyes. A loud thud echoed through the room and heads jerked to the sound in the silent room. Someone had pushed a machine off the working bench and now two people were yelling. Yet still the guards remained emotionless and blind to the commotion.

Fighting broke out and three others got involved. I looked around nervously and watched as others either coward away or watched intrigued.

I glanced back to watch in horror as one guy lifted a contraption high over his head and threw it at a mans head. A sickening noise filled the room and his body crashed to the floor. Shock rippled through the room but most recovered quickly. Two guards finally came out of their trance and walked over and picked up the body and dragged it across the room. They left the attacker alone and he continued his work as if nothing happened.

I watched in horror as the guards came closer so I got a better view of the victim. His face was distorted from the heavy mental and there was a ton of blood dripping from almost everywhere. I felt vile rise up in my throats and started gagging. I quickly glanced around but everyone had gone back to working as if nothing had happened.

More hours seemed to pass when the guards finally yelled at us that it was time to return back to our cells before we got dinner. They lined us up and watched us with narrowed eyes as they guided us out of the tiny room.

I cast my eyes downward and followed the line. We made many turns until we got to the hallway with our cells lining up along the way. My mind was thinking hard not noticing the person in front of me had stopped and I crashed into them hard.

The guy whirled around angrily and glared at me.

"Listen kid, I don't give a damn if your new and want to go crying to your mum. Your here now and it's all your damn fault so suck it up and watch what you do or you will get killed." He said glaring daggers at me.

"I-I didn't mean any trouble," I stuttered, scared.

He smirked "of course you didn't, little baby. Who's gonna protect you though, you don't have parents to come crying to your all on your damn lonesome."

I glanced around nervously yet the guards still didn't seem to care.

"I'm strong enough I don't go crying to parents. So leave me alone and everything will be fine," I say trying not to sound afraid.

He laughs,"Fine? Nothing will ever be damn fine, and never talk back to me, I'm like 8 years older then you I can beat you up in five seconds."

"Oh is that so," I mutter but, this is the last thing I should've said. He snarls and hits me square in the jaw and I reel back surprised. He doesn't give me time to recover before he slams me against the wall.

"Wait-" I gasp but he ignores me and presses his forearm against my throat choking me.

I gasp as he presses harder and stars form in front of my eyes. This can't be the end of me, not now, I beg.

"Too bad a pretty boy will go to such a waste," he whispers in my ear,"you would be so fun to play with...maybe I shall keep you for my own..."

I gasp and try to fight but he still keeps a strong hold. My feet kick uselessly and no one stops to interfere. All of sudden the pressure is relieved and I struggle to take in deep breaths. I drop to the floor as I gasp like a fish out of water.

When I recover after a few moments I see my attacker on the floor out cold. I look up and see Karson breathing deeply anger flared in his eyes as he glares down. He glanced over and his anger is quickly exchanged for relief and concern.

"Hey, Alec, are u okay?" He says touching my shoulder.

I nod and shrug his hand off and I see an emotion fleet across his face but it's too quick for me to place a name on it. We walk back in the cell and a guard locks it and then proceeds to drag the unconscious man away. We stay quiet for a few moments.

"Luckily I returned the same time as you did or you would've been in trouble," he says jokingly trying to lighten the mood.

"I don't need anyone to help me fend people. I'm not some stupid weak child that can't fight on their own. And I definitely don't need you to tell what to do and what not to do," I snap angrily crossing my arms.

Surprise colors his face, not expecting me to lash out.

"Well I'm sorry for saving your life," he says coldly.

"I could've saved my own I was just thinking of a way to escape." I reply glaring.

"Oh yeah, well begging for mercy is not the way to do it, it was written all over your face." He snaps back. "So next time I save your butt, a nice thank you would be great."

"I can fend for myself, I already told you I'm not some child that doesn't know anything." I say.

He laughs darkly,"actually Alexander that's exactly who you are, you don't know this place like I do, that was one of the least scary things someone could try to do to you."

"Stop talking down to me!" I yell in his face."I'm not some stupid child that you need to protect because of your stupid promise you will never, ever be able to withhold!"

That struck a nerve, I could tell, the way his eyes widened in shock and disbelief.

He shakes his head sadly.

"You know Alec, I opened up to you, and even though you don't know it, that's hard whenever your here for what seems like forever. I saw something special in you that told me to trust you. But now I'm not so sure why I did it." He says looking away.

I remain silent not wanting to listen to him.

He walks and lays down on the bench with his back facing toward me. I stare at him for a long time before dinner was given to us. A slice of bread with a slab of cheese with water.

I eat in silence and wonder if Karson will come to eat the food. I look nervously at his laying form. I sigh and retreat to the crappy bed and lay down. I finally get lost in all the exhaustion from the day and drift into sleep.

[few hours go by...]

I wake up to a weird sound, not exactly sure what it is. Someone's pounding on the wall right outside our cell. I glance around groggily, it still must be night. I make out Karson's sleeping form on the bench and I squint in the darkness. I creep toward the sound carefully and stand next to the bars.

A single light illuminates part of the way but, the rest is hidden by shadows.

All of a sudden a figure emerges into the light. It's a person crawling in rags and theirs hair is disheveled and uneven.

They glance up and I gasp. There eyes are sunken in and bloodshot but there eyes are almost completely rolled back in there head. There nose looks likes it been broken too many times and there mouth has many scars and cuts.

They start grinning and laughing and reaching toward me.

"Treat, treat nice little treat." They sing," mine, mine all MINE." They start to screech revealing horrid teeth and he snarls.

He makes animalistic noises and Rachel's trying to grab me I back up but he reaches through the bars and grabs my wrist. Despite his appearance his grip is strong.

Terror races through my body and I scream, I scream loud and try to break free. The...creature laughs joyfully and starts pulling me to the bars.

Just then someone wraps there arms around my chest and tanks hard. I cry out as the sting vice grip on my wrist. One hand removes from my chest and hits the creatures arm away, making it cringe away.

I scramble backwards scared to death collapsing in Karson's arms and letting the tears fall freely now, not caring.

He wraps his arms around me tight and rocks me back and forth slowly. I curl into his chest and clutch onto him begging him. He strokes my hair and holds me close to him. And at the moment that's all I needed. To be held and told that everything was going to be alright, even though I knew it was not true.


	13. Chapter 13

New chapter of my fanfic! I want to thank everyone for staying with me and supporting this story, so just thanks:)

I listened to his steady heart beat, my eyes screwed shut. The image of the person inscribed behind them, every time I closed my eyes I could see it.

I clutched his shirt tight not caring that my tears were starting to soak his shirt. He didn't seem to mind either, we sat in silence, his arms wrapped around me tight.

"Alec," he said softly, I still didn't budge.

"Alec, hey, look at me," I still couldn't find the strength to do it.

I no longer cared what he thought, I could no longer keep a strong figure. I was trying so hard to remain calm after everything but sometimes I can't.

Sometimes you break and there is no one there to hold you together. So you fall into darkness all alone and don't know if you will get out.

[KARSON POV]

Alec finally seemed to hear me after the second time I called his name. Though when he looked up I wasn't prepared, his blue eyes held so much emotion in them. So much sorrow, hurt, anguish, anger and everything.

I got lost in his eyes. They were beautiful, great shades of blue that were captivating.

I blinked a couple of times to get rid of my wandering thoughts. I couldn't afford to get attached...not again.

I shook my head again and grimaced. Alec was looking up at me expectantly, and I felt my heart breaking. I knew nothing was alright and I wanted Alec to be happy, to be pure and unhurt from this place.

"Alec everything is alright, I will protect you for as long as you need me," I whisper into his ear.

He nods and my heart clenches painfully as I hope I can withhold my promise. But I will try, I will fight hard to help Alec.

"Karson," he says so quietly I almost thought I had imagined it.

I smile at him and note his hesitancy.

"Do you mind if...you could lay down with me tonight, because I can't-I..." he says timidly.

I look at him surprised at his request but I smile warmly at him and tell him of course.

I carefully lie next to him on the old, creaky bed. We face each other and he scoots closer, I can feel my heart starting to increase the pace and I gulp.

Alec wraps his arms around me, a little hesitant as I tense. I force myself to relax even though everything else is sending alarms screeching in my head.

He presses his face against my chest and I can feel his sobs wrack his body. He had pent up emotions for a long time and I guess today was his breaking point. I expected it to happen soon enough anyways.

I felt a something deep down inside, trying to resurface. I tried to burry it but, Alec brought a new side to me I was terrified to reveal.

I wasn't sure how long I held onto him but I finally felt his body relax and drifted into sleep.

{few hours later...}

I was startled awake by shouting that seemed close by. I carefully untangled myself from Alec and crept across the cell.

I heard the low rumble of the guards quarreling and crept closer to be within hearing range.

"It's too many! Don't you understand, something's up. Too many of them are starting to escape, stable or not." One said angrily.

"True. The last time they started escaping they were planning a big rebellion. It was pathetic, but we underestimated them." The other remarked.

"Well whatever is going on we need to put an end to it and soon. Should we report it to the boss?" He said anxiously.

"No, not yet. Only until it reaches desperate measures. We might just have to increase the punishments. We need to do something..." the other said trailing off.

"You know, we should really keep C48 in check. He has escaped successfully once and has tried many times before. He's very cunning, we need to put an end to this." One says uncertainly.

"Especially since he's with C47, aka Alexander Lightwood, he could cause real chaos." Agreed the other.

I shrink back and sigh dejectedly. I sit down on the bed and clench my hands, glaring at the dirty floor.

I stay awake and a few hour later, I hear Alec starting to stir. He looks around in a daze, sleep still ghosting him. He blinks his eyes a couple of time and I can't help but notice how cute he looks. No he's not cute, I scold myself and shake my head puzzled.

He focuses his blue eyes on me and looks confused with a touch of concern. I smile reassuringly but he doesn't seem very convinced. I just shrug and turn away but I can still feel his soft gaze on me.

Breakfast was served shortly after which consisted of a small cup of oatmeal. They must have been feeling generous today because they also gave us a slice of bread.

I watched Alexander hungrily eat his food and then stare forlornly at his empty plate. I chuckle and sigh glancing down at my own food and slide it over to him.

He looks up surprised but after a few couple seconds of hesitation, he gladly eats it. He needs the food anyways, if he wants to survive strong.

Three guards angrily barge in and I glance up quickly. I look over at Alec who still has a spoonful of food halfway to his mouth and would've laughed if I was under different circumstances.

"C48, you have been summoned. Your...work will start sooner then regular scheduled time today." A guard says crossing his arms, daring me to argue.

I met his blazing glare with a cold stare not daring to back down. I heard the other two guards shift uneasily on their feet, unsure of what to make of the situation.

"Watch it, C48, you've already have gotten yourself in enough trouble for escaping. Don't you dare do anything else." The guard says angrily.

"And, no one is going to protect you here. No one gives a damn about your existence so if you die, who cares. No one will remember you." He says smirking.

I clench my jaw hard and I hear my heart thudding in my ears.

"Karson, it's not worth it," Alec says grabbing my arm.

I relax under his touch but my gaze remains cold. The guard smirks looking over my shoulder at Alec.

"Looks like dear Alexander Lightwood is protecting you. What's wrong, can't get enough of any C47?" He says and the three guards erupt in laughter.

Color rushes to my face and before I can hold myself back, I charge blindly at the guard. He has a quick moment of surprise on his face as I knock him over.

I manage to land a punch to his nose before the other guards recover from their initial shock and grab me. The assaulted guard stands up with pure hate in his eyes and his nose bleeding.

"I will personally make your time here hell, C48, mark my words," he says his voice low and dangerous.

They drag me out of the cell and I don't dare to look back at Alec. I feel very lightheaded all of a sudden, the days of hardly eating catching up to me. I couldn't dare to exert myself for I would lose all my energy.

They drag me into a pitch black room and throw me harshly to the cold floor. The door is slammed shut and then the lights blink on. The guards haven't left and the one I attacked advances toward me.

"I'm going to stay true to my words," he snarls,"I will find out everything I can about you in your files and will make your life a painful one. You chose to mess with the wrong guy."

He grabs a fistful of my shirt and yanks me forward his breath ghosting my face. He then proceeds to tie a blindfold around me head and I wince as once again I'm developed in darkness.

"You know," he says," A lot of...people have died in here, and a lot of people don't have the energy to clean this place. So there is a lot of remnants of...other people."

"Dammit you," I spit," you and your stupid words don't scare me."

"Oh you will be scared when I'm done with you. Unfortunately I don't think you'll make it out of here...that stable." He says evilly.

"You better believe it," piped another guard," he has a high reputation here and damn I even feel a little sorry for you."

I read his name tag that I hadn't seemed to notice before and it read Marcus. And I felt him lean in so he could whisper in my ear.

"Don't worry, I will also take care of your dear Alexander Lightwood." He says and I can feel him smirking.

"Don't you dare hurt Alec," I say angrily.

"We shall have to see, it's great when the ones we love our taken away from us, is it not?" Marcus says chuckling.

I seethe and jerk my leg up and knee him hard in the groin. He howls in rage and I have a split second of satisfaction before I'm thrown to the floor.

"You son of a bitch!" He screams in rage.

I'm roughly grabbed by the shoulders and jerked up. My back hits the side of a table and I gasp in pain.

I hear yells between the guards but i can't make out what they will do next. Calm down, I remind myself, I can get myself out of this.

I felt a sharp edge of a blade against my throats and I make a sharp inhale.

"You little fucker didn't know what your getting yourself into." He says laughing crazily.

He presses the blade down a little harder and I feel it cutting into my skin. I gasp at the stinging sensation and feel a trickle of blood fall down my neck.

He drags me somewhere and I feel him shackling my ankles. He then lets me go and I hear his footsteps retreating. Damn this blindfold, I can't see a single thing.

I'm roughly grabbed by my hair and shoved into water. I sputter unexpected and my mind goes into a frenzy. He keeps my head down and I desperately fight.

Unfortunately I have very little strength especially from all the exertion of fighting even though it was minimal.

My mind is swimming as I'm forced to gulp down water, my fighting attempts become weaker as my lungs scream for air.

Right when I feel I'm about to pass out, I'm yanked out of the water bin. I gasp wildly, searching for air.

"You like that? Don't worry there's plenty more to come," Marcus says.

He walks away again and I shudder involuntarily. Stay strong, I repeat over and over like a chant.

I feel a tip of blade press against my side and I try to cringe away.

"Nope," Marcus chides," this is a very special dagger, the tip is coated in poison I'm sure you will enjoy."

He digs it into my side and I double over in pain but I will not give them the satisfaction of making any noise. The dagger is almost fully embedded into my side and I curl up into a ball.

"Oh not yet, we haven't had the best time yet," says Marcus.

He drags me closer and places a hand on my hip while the other is placed on my face. I flinch away from his touch and my breathing picks up.

My head begins to swim and even though I can only see darkness my eyelids start to droop.

I try to fight the darkness, a constant battle I fight everyday. I don't know what they will do to me if I let darkness consume me. I will be too far gone so I have to fight. But sometimes it's just to much to bear and your strength comes to an end...

[ALEC POV]

Where is Karson? I haven't seen him all day, I mean that happened yesterday too but, I'm back at our cell and he's not here.

Dinner had been served but his meal remains there uneaten. I haven't seen him since he got dragged away from the three guards.

I pace around the room impatiently, scenarios of the worst circulating in my head. Please be okay, I pray.

I've hardly really known him that well but still he's important to me now. He's helped me in so many ways that I haven't thanked him for.

A tortured scream ripples through the air, full of agony and desperation. I don't know how far away it is but I recognize the voice.

Karson...


	14. Chapter 14

**I** **know I promised to update at least once a month but sorry I was really busy but now since it is spring break for me I can update a lot. Thanks everyone for staying and supporting this story!**

His scream ripped through the air and I flinched wondering what they must be doing to him. From what I gathered Karson seemed like a good person and he didn't deserve to be treated in this place for...how long had he been here anyways?

I shiver as I remember the events of last night, the memory permanently ingrained into my mind.

How long had I been here? Had no one noticed my absence? That I seemed to be no where I usually go? Maybe not, maybe it is better that way...

I am brought out of my trance when the feel door is roughly opened and Karson is shoved back into it. The door closed so hard I'm surprised it doesn't come off it's hinges.

I stared at Karson, his clothes were splattered with blood, who's it was I didn't know. His face was pale and his eyes looked tired and cold and he seemed to be in a distant world.

He sighed tiredly and stood up without a word and went to sit on the edge of the bed. I didn't want to say anything because this was a new side of Karson and to be honest this new side scared me.

I carefully sat next to him but was still unsure of what to say. A couple moments of silence passed where no words were exchanged between us. I cleared my throats awkwardly but the silence stretched on.

"The blood..." I started not knowing what else to say.

He finally looked at me and actually looked at me. He seemed to have snapped out of whatever world he was drawn into.

"Unfortunately, most of it is mine, but not all." He says angrily.

"Oh okay..." I say trailing off, expecting more.

He abruptly stands and starts pacing the floor glaring intensely at it. I can see the gears in his mind turning as well as the vein on his temple standing out.

I could see the storm brewing inside his eyes and feel it radiating throughout the atmosphere. I got a sudden bad feeling about this all.

He let's out a yell of frustration and punches the wall. I shift uncomfortably unsure of what to do or say. In all honesty I want Karson to feel like he is cared for and he is not alone. But just how will I convey that in a manner he will actually believe?

"I can't-I won't be... we won't make it Alec. Don't you understand? It's no use anymore, we just can't." He says violently shaking his head.

"No, Karson we will. Don't think that way, there's always a way out. And you've escaped before we can get through this," I say smiling encouragingly.

"No that's the thing! Do you think they would ever let me escape twice!? I don't know why I even bother hoping and believing. What crap do I honestly believe

In?" He says chuckling bitterly.

I stare at him, uncomprehending. "Karson don't tell me your being serious. You can't just give me false hope and take it away. dammit you cannot do this to me! Karson?! Are u even listening!?" I yell.

" what lies do you want me to tell you Alec!? That there gonna just let us leave? That we will be alright!? That they won't kill us!?" He yells angrily back.

"This is not like you, you would never give up. Your too stubborn to succumb to failure. So I don't know where ur mind is at right but come back Karson, I need you." I say quietly.

He stares down at his dirtied clothes and then up at the ceiling. He smiles to himself and throws his head back to let out a loud laugh. I stare at him strangely but smile, hoping this is a good sign.

He sighs loudly and then starts pulling up his shirt. I stare at him confused at what he was going to do. He pulls it over his head and tosses it aside. And I can't help but stare at the revealed expanse of his torso.

He glances at me and raises an eyebrow and my signature blush spreads across my cheeks. I silently curse my pale skin for making it so noticeable.

"Sorry, my shirt is dirty," he says grinning. I roll my eyes, obviously.

I can feel his eyes burning holes into me but I avert my eyes from his shirtless frame. I have to admit, he is very good looking and his body just completed the whole look.

He walks over and sits right next to me, so our knees are touching and our shoulders are brushing.

"So Alec, there is just the two of us all alone, what should we do?" He says look straight at me.

"Uh, I dunno...ummm," I stutter, the proximity bothering me.

"You know Alexander...i new you would be something special since the beginning and we have become close, don't you think? You have become something special to me Alec and I always feel I have to protect you..." he says staring at me.

I stare into his eyes and they are serious. I can't tear myself away from his green eyes. I watch as his eyes glance down slightly to look at my lips and my eyes widen a fraction.

"Alec..." he breathes, as he leans in.

His lips brush mine and I hold my breath, waiting. He keeps staring, not willing to look away, it is too late to turn back now.

His lips graze mine again and then he is kissing me. My brain won't work so I just sit there frozen unable to function.

He carefully pushes me back on to the bed. He stares down at me with pleading eyes.

"Alec, I know you feel something too. Whenever I'm with you I feel something deep down inside and I've seen it in your eyes too," Karson says desperately.

"I know you feel what I feel, Alec."

Those words I heard once upon a time seemed to snap me out of my frozen state.

"Karson no, your confused and lost you don't really mean an-"

"But I do," he says staring at me intensely, "you have somehow made it into my heart where I promised never to love and care for anyone like that again."

"That's a big promise to make," I say softly.

"I-I I'm sorry Alec-i forgot what happened right now." He says shaking his head.

"No Karson, I won't forgot but you have to know I'm here for you too. We're a team now and if your hurt, it hurts me too. So don't hold back what you feel, I'll be here for you...always." I say smiling reassuringly.

"Don't they all promise that though..." he says getting up from our current position.

"What..?" I say thoroughly confused.

"Ever since I was young, I wanted to be loved and be the light of everyone's life. I craved the attention of everyone to an extent where as I matured it became annoying. When I was six my parents saw it as cute and what not, but I never seemed to outgrow the need for attention." He says sadly.

"I-it's all my fault, if I-if I hadn't..." Karson says while shaking his head and screwing his eyes shut.

"What's your fault? Karson?" I question.

"I-my parents wanted to send me away...but I was too selfish...I locked myself away and I wouldn't speak or eat. My parents eventually gave in and let me stay. They told me it was too dangerous to stay with them but I didn't care." He inhales deeply before continuing.

"Two days later, they threw a big party for my birthday and that's the same day...they burned down the institute and took me away." He says looking up.

"If I had just gone away like my parents wished we would've never have had that party and possibly the institute would still be there..." he says looking down.

"You were young, you didn't know..." I say.

"Age shouldn't matter," he says shaking his head.

"Wait a minute-the burning of the institute

On a birthday, that sounds familiar but...wasn't that 5 years ago?" I say.

He slowly nods and I stare at him wide-eyed. That means he's been in this awful place for...five years!?

"This organization was new back then but underestimated...my father seemed to recognize the head boss. I remember the it as if it were yesterday...the screams the chaos the burning smell...and the last words my father promised me. He promised he would find me and would never give up until he did..." he says looking at the cracked and dirtied ceiling as if it held all the answers.

"It wasn't so bad, after two years I gained a cell mate. We spired each other so much it was hard to be partners with him. Though, one day he came back and he seemed crazed and scared. I had a lot of experience from being here longer so he trusted me. After that day we became inseparable from one another." He says, a ghost of a smile on his face.

"I-I fell in love with him and he tried to love me but..he couldn't. I could see the desperation for me to understand, that he couldn't love anyone because he was scared. He held his loved one a little to close but they slipped from him. I loved him like I had never loved before nothing separated us. I could never hold, kiss, or touch him in the ways I wanted but whatever I got was enough."

"Then for 3 days he hadn't returned to our cell and ever night I would stay up and wait. I wouldn't eat or talk, not until he showed up. Then a week passed and I turned into a completely different person, I turned violent on myself and others." He stares back at me and I see the heart break in his eyes. They hold so much pain and anguish, I can't tear my eyes away.

"He returned the next day, I was on the verge of sleep when he came in. Again, I could tell something was off, he wouldn't speak to me as much as I tried. And the following day when he did, he told me he was tired of fighting that he just wanted it all to end. He told me...there was nothing left to fight for. He looked me straight in the eyes and I could the honesty within. His sudden announcement cut me deeper then anything I felt betrayed for some reason. I tried to convince myself that he loved me the same way I did but the following days I gave up. We started growing apart and it angered and confused me beyond measure."

"One day after an unusual cruel punishments I returned back to our cell and I didn't notice his form on the bed. I cried and yelled thinking I was alone. I poured my heart out then, everything catching up to me. It seemed to awaken something deep inside him and he came over and wrapped his arms around me like he used too. I never felt as safe as I did in that moment and I realized as long as he was with me, I was home."

"Weeks passed and I was once again happy or I convinced myself I was happy as I could be. Until..." his voice faltered and his eyes became glassy.

He swallowed slowly, "until the-the one day when they caught me trying to escape. It was beyond punishable and they'd sentenced me to death. In all honesty I was building up for that moment but I wasn't ready. The day it would be displayed in front of everyone and I was beyond terrified."

"My partner held my hand the whole way he whispered comforting words into my ear the whole time. As I was ready for the end my eyes never left his and I promised I would be happy as long as he was the last I saw... then all in a rush he was running at me, he was screaming he would take my place and I was too frozen to do anything. Without my consent our places were switched in a blink of an eye. And then..then he was kissing me, he told me he loved me and then...he was gone. My unspoken words left dead on my lips as I watched the life being sucked out of him. His lively eyes turning pale and burning out. For hours I stayed next to him his cold body wrapped in my arms. I watched as my home, my lover, my life was taken away from me. I promised his life would be avenged and I promised to never anyone that way again."

I stare at him, the same Karson I've always known yet a different person at the same time. This Karson with so much past and anguish and suffering in it.

I lay on the springy bed and stare into the darkness. A strong wind blows throughout the cell and I can almost here the last conversation spoken between the two.

"I love you, Karson, we will meet again in another world and we will remember. I love you, I always have..." the wind whispers through a ghost voice.

Karson voice appears in the darkness, "I love you too, Tyler, I will never forget you..." his voice echoing through the dark cell, along with his promise...


	15. Chapter 15

**_Thanks to everyone who stayed with me and supported my story! Hope everyone is still enjoying it =P_**

[MAGNUS POV]

I new Alec needed his space, he always does but this time there was a deep bad feeling in my gut. Something was wrong and the no contact was just killing me.

My apartment was an absolute mess and I was constantly changing the scheme because of my boredom and nerves. I stared at my phone waiting for a signal from him but all I ever got was client calls which I rudely turned them away.

Something was definitely wrong but I didn't care anymore, I had to know if Alec was okay.

I gather frantically the objects to start the tracking spell. I sit there tapping my glittered fingers on the hardwood table, waiting impatiently.

My eyes widen, there must be some mistake? I try it again but get the same result. I grab my coat and rush outside, how can he be...just gone?

I didn't want to waste my energy on making a simple portal plus, getting out from my little apartment was better. I arrived at the institute and knocked on the door. A few moments passed and no one answered, I stood there impatiently.

Finally, after what seemed like eternity, Isabelle Lightwood opened the door with a very pissed look.

"Oh Magnus! Don't want to be mean but, why are you here? And make sure you tell Alec to respond back to my calls, it's getting annoying," she pouted.

"That's the problem," I say frantically.

{two hours later}

"Dammit Warlock! What the hell is wrong with you!" Jace fumed, pacing across the floor.

"I thought you would feel something with the parabatai bond but of course your useless as always blonde." I remark with a smirk.

"Watch your mouth yo-"

"BY THE ANGEL, shut up you two! We will not get anywhere with you two cutting one another down, the important thing is that we find Alec!" Izzy snaps.

"I don't understand how Alec can just be completely gone! No one knows where he is not even stupid tracking spells!" Jace says angrily.

I stare into space, this is all my fault, all of it. Who knows what kind of trouble Alexander might be in right now. Is he even...alive? The sudden idea of his lifeless body was ingrained into my mind and wouldn't go away. Is it possibly that's why there is no trace of him? Could he have been killed or worse had killed himself...?

The sudden realization hit me hard and my blood ran cold. I didn't dare voice my thoughts to the Lightwood siblings, especially not these two irrational, stubborn ones.

"I'm starting to think he was taken by someone, and whoever it was must know that someone might come track them," Jace says seething.

"Not as blonde as I thought," I remarked, chuckling.

I could see how hard Jace was restraining himself and I couldn't help but smile wider. I have glared at both of us, a warning.

"I can try a stronger tracking spell, but it may take a while, longer then I would like," I say sighing.

Both siblings look at me eagerly, hoping that I can save Alec and in all honesty I'm hoping for the same thing and hoping it is not too late.

[ALEC POV]

Another pointless day of work, another day wasted. Hour after hour, day after day even weeks after weeks it would be for most people.

A game, that's all it is to these people. What do they honestly feel like they are accomplishing? In all honesty, nothing.

I learned to not release my anger to fuel it and use it to my advantage. The days we're wearing thin along with our nerves.

Something wasn't right and I could feel it awakening deep inside. A warning call for what was going to come.

I looked over and Karson was watching me, he mouthed the words "are you okay?" I gave a slight nod and glanced around.

Was it me or did the air suddenly get thicker? The air seemed to whisper a thousand words, words I couldn't quit catch.

A fight broke out among the people and then another on the other side. Still, everyone remained silent. I sucked in a deep breath because suddenly I felt as if there was no air, as if I were drowning.

There, the wind whispered. I looked left and right but still everyone seemed undisturbed. My eyes dilated and I grabbed onto the ledge of the table. A panic attack? No it didn't seem like the others I had had before.

Someone grabbed my elbow and I looked up to see Karson standing over me. His eyes filled with concern and confusion.

Even though he was the only one looking at me I felt as if a million eyes were watching me. Watching my every move, judging me with a critical stare.

Karson strolled back and I stared after him. I surveyed the room once more, everyone was busy and the guards were yet again emotionless.

But then there was a twitch in one of them and he reached to pick up his phone. He answered it in the dead silence. And his facial expression changed to one of fear.

He sprinted out the doorway without a second glance. An alarm started blaring but a lot of people seemed unfazed. It screeched and I felt as if my ears were bleeding but I stood still.

They ordered us to form a line and file out. A couple dozen people against a handful of guards. My mind was working my brain was mapping out my possibilities. Yet inside I felt nothing, the burning fire of hope had not made an appearance yet.

I stared straight ahead at someone head, someone who I didn't know but at the same time I did. I knew everyone here because I knew how they felt. They survived on there own fear, they survived on the hope that someone was out there and going to save them. That they will die waiting for the person who would never come.

We filed out of the room the guard by the door briefly checking to see if we stole anything. Not a pat down but just a brief glance at someone and then the next. I held a small piece of metal in my palm and as I neared the door I sucked in a breath.

The eyes glancing, checking, watching, and judging. Cold heartless eyes, bottomless and staring, looking, and seeing. My heart sped up but I passed the door without any troubles.

I knew what I had to do. I looked back and spotted Karson still in the previous room. Just a little while longer. The metal cutting into my palm, slicing the skin. I glanced back, two more people. Then one and then finally Karson was at the door.

He was stopped though, only for a split second and then was allowed on. Our eyes met and confusion spread across his features. I stare at him intensely hoping he would understand.

In that instant time seemed to slow and I looked around one last time. No one was watching yet everyone was the world was waiting for my move. I stared ahead my heart thumping loudly in my chest.

I pulled my arm back and plunged the price of metal into the back of the person in front me. Blood seeped from the wound and the used to be perfect line scattered in confusion and panic.

And I turned and ran hoping that Karson was behind me. The other people were causing a chaos and clumping together messing up the organization.

I ran and could hear a pair of footsteps no too far behind me but I didn't turn. I had no idea where I was going but somehow I trusted myself. I trusted the way the wind spoke and the world seemed to whisper its encouragement at me. And somehow I knew it had to be today.

I ran down hallways upon hallways, the sound of my footsteps echoing throughout. The walls were watching, the world but as watching. It watched and held its breath, it did not intervene Ina my way. It watched and waited as I tore across the ground as I stumbled over bricks and forgotten items.

The light was dim and I tripped, sprawling across the floor. Karson grabbed the back of my shirt and dragged me. Somehow I knew it was there, just a reach away from my grasp. We continued and I saw a dim light in the distance. As we drew nearer I could make out what it was...

A staircase.

By some miracle, by some sheer luck, I had done it. The world seemed to want me to win today, it seemed to want to see me take one victory.


	16. Chapter 16

**It's nearing an endddddd thanks dudes for staying with me, hope you like the next few chapters!**

We sprinted up the steps, stumbling multiple times. I couldn't believe freedom was just a few steps away from our reach. So close yet so far away.

And then we were at the final steps and the trap door was above us. We struggled with the bolt.

"A key, by the angel we need a key!?" I fume. I couldn't let our freedom get away this quickly.

"It's probably not even used, I could probably kick it open. Here, support me as I shall try to kick this thing down," Karson said while instructing me.

After a few attempted kicks the old door gave away and opened. We climbed out into the library I had entered once upon a time.

Light filtered from old fracked windows into the room and I took in the beautiful smell of an old library. I looked over and saw a genuine smile break out onto Karson's face and I actually let myself believe we had the best chance.

[MAGNUS POV]

I cursed as my fingers trembled and my eyes dropped from the over exertion. I wouldn't give up not until I got an answer, not until I knew for sure.

"Magnus, maybe you should take a break. And we know your worried about Alec, we all are but what use will it be if you can barely keep your eyes open!" Izzy exclaims.

"Thank you Izzy but I will never rest until I know where Alexander is." I say.

"Normally I would comment on how cheesy that sounds but I suppose I can't really say anything," she says with a pained smile.

I realize how hard this must hit her, they had already lost there youngest brother and I can't imagine how she would feel if she lost the oldest. I could see the pain and darkness in here eyes, as well as the fire and vengeance that swimmers in her dark eyes.

All of a sudden I felt my fingers tingle but differently and I glanced down to find a point on the map glowing. A small dot of blue against the yellowing paper. I stared thinking I was hallucinating but the gasp of surprise from Isabelle told me I wasn't.

The light was burning solid and had just suddenly appeared, but why? I smiled exhausted but happy to know that Alexander wasn't dead...at least not yet.

Izzy ran to get Jace who immediately started putting on his shadowhunter gear, preparing for whatever was next.

I glanced back down at the map and then noticed the dot was flickering, almost as if it were agitated. It flickered on and off and the three of us stared at it confused.

"Magnus...what-what does that mean," Isabelle said, suddenly afraid.

The light continued to flicker on and off and then it extinguished into nothing. Almost as if nothing had happened in the first place.

"It means trouble," I say, a bad feeling spreading throughout myself. I grabbed my coat and hurried to the door.

"C'mon shadowhunters, it's time that we call for some help." I say exiting the institute.

[ALEC POV]

I couldn't contain my happiness, I was free, we were free. Karson looked like he couldn't believe what was happening and I smiled.

Run, a voice whispered in my head. Run, it screamed.

"You thought you could escape that easily." A voice said behind me.

I turned around and there he stood, the head of the organization. From almost out of no where, guards began to appear.

"You know, escaping is now a death punishment, I bet your friend here is happy we made that after he escaped. Normally we would've killed him but he is a special case. I want him to die rotting in a cell. Waiting and hoping for the people who will never come get him," he says laughing.

"You fool, my father hated you! He will come and save me and kill you before you know it!" Karson seethed.

"Oh no, what a threat! But Karson i believe you are actually the fool. You honestly believe your father will come after all this time!" He sneers.

"Yes I do! He promised me and I know my father, he will!" Karson shouts angrily.

"Well you got that one correct! He did come after you. Not long after you were captured he found us. Your father is dead Karson, I killed him with my own hands." He says staring him straight in the eyes.

Karson looked as if he just got slapped in the face. He opens and closes his mouth, struggling to find the words. But, in his face I can tell he realizes the truth even if he doesn't want to.

All these years he had been waiting for someone who came but failed. In that moment I could see Karson completely shutting down, all the hope and fire that filed him was gone.

He collapsed to the floor his legs unable to hold him up anymore. I stared at all of them and new there was no escape. The cruel world gave me a glimpse of what I wanted only to have it taken away from me in a snap. They beat us up so much I couldn't move.

They dragged us back down but I managed to kick one and escape from his grasp. I ran but I was too slow, I was tripped and grabbed by the legs. My fingers clawed at the library floor hoping to gain something that would help me. But no, I was dragged back down under the last glimpse of the light being shut out.

{two hours later}

I stared at Karson, a shapeless figure lying on the bed. Everything has had been holding onto was taken away from him and I could see he just gave up.

"They are going to kill me later today," I say looking at Karson.

"It's kind of expected, but they refuse to kill me. They want me here waiting and eventually I will rot in this hell." He says rolling over.

He stands up suddenly and hugs me, I am startled by his show of affection but I hug him back.

"They are taking away everyone I have ever cared for," he whispers to me, "but just like Tyler, I will hold on to you every step of the way till the end."

"I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise, Alec," he says sadly.

"It's alright," I whisper back.

In the end I guess I lost. I though of Iz,Jace and finally Magnus, in the last few hours. I thought of all our happy memories and shared secret moments between one another. I thought of there smiling faces and the warm gestures. As long as they were happy I would be too. I would give up anything to just see them one last time. Then again, if that was possible, would they still look at me with love?

I remember the ways I parted with the three of them and cringed. They hated me but that's okay. Because by tomorrow there would no longer be an Alexander Gideon Lightwood.


	17. Chapter 17

**Super sorry I haven't updated in forever besides like rn but anyways hope u enjoy :D keep commenting on it!**

I was counting down the days till the end. Never thought this was where I'd end my life. I had always thought I would be with Magnus as he cared for me till the last seconds. Magnus, it sent a painful ache in my heart to remember how we would forever part.

Karson and I sat in silence as we waited for our death call. Or mine at least. It all felt unreal only hours ago we had tasted the sweetness of freedom. But now, here we are.

I heard the familiar screeching of the door being opened and I glanced up knowing what was coming. I couldn't look at Karson any longer it would be too painful. I took a hesitant step toward the three guards that blocked the entry. Faster then a blink of an eye Karson's arm ripped out but not too hit the guards but to grip my arm. He stared into my eyes his eyes having a fierce fire I didn't expect.

"I'll save you," he whispers,"I'll never let them hurt you." And with that he releases my arm and turns away.

I stare at the back of his head transfixed until the guards pull me back to reality. Immediately I'm tied up and I shuffle gloomily forward.

Nine hundred, eight hundred ninety-nine...I quietly count down in my head. I tune out the low grumble of the guards and all other sounds. Focusing on the mental clock counting down in my head. A couple of hallways and a few doors away would be my death.

I breath in and out slowly practicing a mental calming I would use. In and out, in and out, in and out...

I curse myself, I curse Karson for not keeping his promise, I curse the whole damn world for doing this to me. Me of everyone, me with my already messed up situation.

As we walk down the hallway the stone changes into wood as if this part was added on.

I get pulled out of my reverie when we abruptly stop in front of a large door spray painted black. I can hear nothing on the other side. One guard hesitates before opening the door revealing the room inside.

The room is lit up with medieval looking torches and one side is filled with stone benches which is filled with prison members. The other side is bare and holds a single wooden chair and a rectangular box is a little off to the side. Straight across from the wooden chair is three regal looking chairs lined up perfectly.

I audibly gulp as the door makes a loud creak and every single pair of eyes in the room are on me. The three guards guide me to the small wooden chair and chain my arms and legs cutting off the circulation to my extremities. I grimace in pain and glare at the retreating figures of the guards. Seven hundred twenty, seven hundred nineteen, seven hundred eighteen...

Identical doors on the opposite side of where I walked in opened and two figures walked in. Of course everyone immediately recognized the Head of this place and next to him was a slightly smaller man.

As they approached they both sat down in the two of the three chairs opposite of me.

From this view I got to inspect the other man better. He had the same bottomless eyes as the man adjacent to him and the same sharp features. He looked like a younger version of the Head so from these observations he must be the son.

The room was silent, too silent for my liking and I hated how all the pairs of eyes were set on me.

"Fill and position one," the Head ordered looking haughtily down at me.

Two guards moved forward to the rectangular box while one stood directly to my right.

"Ah Alexander," the Head says smirking,"lovely to see you here."

I glared at him and refused to say anything, dissatisfied the Head nodded his head and the guard slapped me hard across my face. He then punched me hard in the mouth and I blinked in surprise as I my mouth fills with the bitter taste of blood.

"Well Alexander Lightwood, your death today will be very fun and you have an audience. Of course our audience is delighted to see this kind of entertainment and is actually rare. Usually deaths happen but not in this big manner, so you are a lucky boy," he says his eyes sparkling with laughter.

"Let me explain to you your procedure," the younger man states his voice monotone but fierce.

"There will be three stages leading up to your death. Stage one will be drowning you but not killing you yet," he says gesturing over to the rectangular box.

"Stage two will be injecting you with a drug that turns your nightmares into reality, meaning you will hallucinate for what feels like hours but will be over a stretch of around 10 minutes. The second part of stage two is injecting a second drug that weakens your body and mind slowly causing it to shut down your whole body. And finally stage three," the smaller man says grinning like a small child getting a birthday present.

"Stage three consists of, if you are not already dead by then someone gets the pleasure of shooting you making a somewhat quick and final death." He says smiling satisfied.

"All in favor of these sentences," the head asks in the silent room.

From the audience a loud roar of agreement explodes and I look over to see a smug smirk on the two men's faces.

"Looks like we can began," he says smiling down at me.

"Bring the boy to the water," the Head's son commands.

The three guards unchain me from the chair but bound my hands once more and slip a blindfold over my eyes. The guards shove me forward to make me start walking. Four hundred seventy-six, four hundred seventy-five, four hundred seventy-four...

I'm forced to a stop and then forced to kneel. The room is so silent you practically hear a pin drop. And then the next thing I know I'm submerged in water. I absolutely cannot panic but that's kind of hard when your drowning.

"C'mon be quick, be quick," I pray silently.

I feel like I'm starting to suffocate but I can't struggle that would just waste energy and oxygen. But the feeling of being slowly suffocated and squeezed is overwhelming. I can feel the grip on the guards arms relax a little noticing my lack of struggle. I took the opportunity to bring my head backward, out of the water and smash my head smack center in one of their noses.

I feel a ripple of shock and take the opportunity to run, unfortunately I only make around three steps before I'm yanked back because I can't see a thing.

Once again I meet the water surface and am met with the cool water. I can't breathe, I can't hear, I can't see. I want to start panicking but I can't. My whole bday screams to do something but I can't. I feel as if I'm about to pass out but then I'm yanked out for a few blissful seconds before dunked back in. This happens a couple of times before I almost pass out.

I'm thrown to the floor and even if I could move I wouldn't be able to. I'm dragged back to my chair and I hear a chorus of boos through my waterlogged ears.

"The crowd seems to be bored with your display," the Head growls.

"On to the next stage of your death," he growls.

I hear the shuffle of guards moving away. Two hundred forty, two hundred thirty-nine, two hundred thirty-eight...

"Strip him," I hear the Head growl again.

A guard practically rips open my shirt and throws it across the room. I shiver against the cold air that hits my wet skin. I try to wiggle away as he pulls down my pants and I'm left soaked in my boxers.

I shudder and hear a chorus of jeers from the crowd. And the Head orders to tie me back in the sad wooden chair. I know what's coming next but that doesn't mean I'm prepared.

I hear the guards aproaching and then the needle is in my skin and I can't help but wince. I hear the guards retreating once more and everyone in the room was holding there breath, expecting.

"Dammit Karson, damn you," I mentally curse as my eyes start to water.

One seventy-four, one seventy-three, one seventy-two...

I grip the sides of chair as I start to feel lightheaded. I need to focus, drive the pain somewhere else. I dig my nails hard into my palm but it's nothing compared to what I feel.

One forty-seven, one forty-six,one forty-five...

I feel someone move the blindfold from my eyes, not that it would help much now.

My body shakes violently and I can no longer see the audience. Images flash before my eyes, some from the past some from what seems like the future and the are all merging together.

One hundred thirteen, one hundred twelve, one hundred eleven...

I see Magnus smiling down me and then he turns into a yelling Isabelle, who looks as if I just insulted her fashion choices.

Then I see Jace on the floor his clothes ripped and bloody. A demon looming over him ready to strike. And then I see the floor brought momentarily back to reality.

Seventy-two, seventy-one, seventy...

I see Max again tears streaming down his face calling to me begging for help as demons claw him apart. Next I see Magnus standing at a grave stone and then he walks away. I see Robert Lightwood walking to large oak doors. I see Clary bloody and broken reaching for Jace who lies motionless on the floor in a pool of blood.

Thirty-one, thirty, twenty-nine...

Again I am brought back to reality but everyone's faces have swirled together and I can barely keep my head up. Then once again I am drowned with memories or not-memories. Horrible scenes flash before my eyes ones that can't even be described in words.

Sixteen, fifteen, fourteen...

I see the Head and his son laughing as they see my agony laughing at all the pain I have dealt and felt.

Nine, eight, seven...

I struggle to stay in reality but everything merges together I can't tell what's real or not.

Four...

I see Magnus walking toward me

Three...

Magnus is running

Two...

Magnus turns into Karson

One...


	18. Chapter 18

**I'm back with another update! Sorry I hadn't been inspired until lately to write! Thank u for inspiring me, all you viewers and just so u know all your comments help me keep going! Hope you enjoy these next few chapters! ;** )

[KARSON POV]

I held two torches in my hands and a dangerous mirth danced in my eyes along with the flames. Everyone was silent as they stared at this unusual scene.

I hovered over Alec's shaking form, his eyes glassy staring straight ahead.

"Let _me_ tell you something assholes," I say staring directly at the two in the chairs.

"You," I say taking a step.

"Do not," another step.

"Mess with me," I kick the water down.

I grin crazily at the stunned crowd, still no one reacting.

"Also," I say waving the flames.

"Never play with fire, motherfuckers," I yell and with that I throw the torches to the wooden floor.

A beautiful yet deadly fire erupts and starts engulfing the old wooden floor. I laugh crazily as the crowd snaps out of there daze and start to panic. The fire is spreading fast due to the old wood and I grin as I know this will not stop.

I scoop Alec into my arms and carry him bridal style at a jogging pace. As I exit the execution room I hear the Head screaming to catch us but no one seemed to pay attention to him, wanting to save themselves before anything.

"Why'd you take so long," Alec croaked

I stared down at him smiling softly.

"Sorry I needed at least fifteen minutes to fill the sprinklers with kerosene," I say shrugging.

He stares at me wide eyed and I chuckle.

"Is this why last night you didn't want to tell me your plan," Alec asks suspiciously.

"Well that and I also was like fifty percent sure it would work..." I say trailing off.

He punches my shoulder hard and I just laugh it off which only seems to piss him off.

As if on cue the fire alarm blares and the sprinklers spill out the kerosene causing the stone to catch fire.

A smoky haze fills the area but all I am determined on is getting Alexander out safely.

In truth my plan seems to far fetched to be true but so far everything seemed okay.

I've picked up my pace but Alec just seems to be weighing me down but he wouldn't be able to even stand in his own.

I just hoped that the world would be on my side today...

[MAGNUS POV]

I had made a portal to what seemed like an abandoned building. Then again what a perfect disguise to cover up the fact that they had kidnapped someone.

So much rage ran through my blood I never felt more angry...or alive. Jace, izzy, Simon, Clary all stood on either side of me.

Isabelle had insisted on asking there parents for help but she immediately got shot down by them. They refused to help or warn the clave about this.

Fortunately, Luke, Clary's mother and a few others from Luke's pack agreed to join us. It was a small crew, because hell knows what could be in here.

We enter the building preparing for the worst but we are met with an unsettling silence.

"Dammit he could be anywhere," Jace says angrily.

"Who the hell knows how long we will spend trying to find him."

I take a deep breathe, Alexander where could you be?

"Split up, half and half," I say.

"Uhm don't you know the worst always happens when people split up? You know in the movies they usually split up and then everyone slowly gets picked off," Simon says nervously.

"Not now Sherwin," I say shaking my head.

He opens his mouth as if to say something but then thinks better of it.

The old building creaked and groaned but somehow something seemed to be off.

"Magnus, in truth do you think we have a good chance of finding my brother," Izzy says looking at me looking vulnerable for the first time.

I stare at her for a few moments choosing my words carefully.

"I think there is a fair chance for anything to happen," I say looking away.

She doesn't respond and we continue on in silence, only our echoing footsteps are heard.

Oh Alexander, where are you at?

[ALEC POV]

My mind continues to swirl but I am not swept away from reality. I know I'm just being a burden for Karson right now but I can barely feel my body much less be able to walk.

The smoke was suffocating but who was I to complain, it's the only thing saving my life right now.

I stared up at Karson his determined face, sweat dripping down it, his eyebrows drawn tight as he was focusing on the task at hand.

And I had hope.

I truly believed.

That this would be a happy ending.

 **Sorry for such a short chapter but please know I'll update within this week again! This kind of just needed to be a filler chapter and a sorta coming together for what's gonna happen! And just for knowing in advanced since this story is coming to an end I will be doing a Q &A at the ending so just in the comments ask me questions In advanced!**


	19. Chapter 19

**I AM BACK AND INSPIRED, anyways hope you enjoy! This chapter may be long because a lot of stuff will happen =o**

[MAGNUS POV]

I was panicking. No lie, literally panicking, we had been searching for hell knows how long and the building just seemed to stretch on for forever.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement. Immediately I snapped out of my negative daze and was on full alert. Isabelle seemed to pick up on it too and we swiftly walked over to where it had been seen. Around a corner the person went and now we were full out running.

We chased the unknown figure through various hallways and eventually the person went through large wooden doors. Isabelle and I both through open the doors expecting to see a crowd of attackers but instead me with an entirely different scene.

The doors led to a giant library that looked to be at least 200 years old. Covered in every corner in dust. All the others were gathered in a cluster and Jace haughtily held the figure we had been chasing in a choke hold.

"Nice of you to finally join us," Jace says smirking.

We both simultaneously rolled our eyes at the annoying blonde.

"Now," Jace said,"let the fun began."

[ALEC POV]

I was starting to get worried, minutes passed and every so often Karson would have to stop and check his surroundings. No one seemed to pay attention to us and rather wanted to keep themselves from being burned alive.

We rounded so many corners I lost count and I was beginning to worry.

"Hey Karson? Uhm do you know where we are going..?" I asked nervously.

He didn't answer for a few seconds as if contemplating his answer.

"I do...but..." he said hesitantly.

"But what..?" I asked.

"I have to do something before we escape," Karson says nervously.

"Which is..." I say uneasily, not liking where this was going.

"I want to eliminate the Head and his son before we escape so nothing like this ever builds up again," he says quietly and for a split second I thought I had misheard him but, his expression revealed all.

I knew Karson held a lot of hate especially since he had been here for a while and not forget to mention the fact he had discovered his father had been killed.

Though, it made sense, Karson wanted real proof to know for sure they were gone. That there was absolutely no hope that they would come back looking.

"So what's your plan?" I ask and Karson just seems relieved I hadn't tried to talk him out of it.

"Well first find the supply closet, which I took note of earlier and then find them somehow. They are probably no doubt looking for us so it shouldn't be too hard." Karson says.

"Do we have enough time? You know, with the fire and all?" I ask.

"Yes we should have a good amount of time." Karson replies.

We continue on in silence and then suddenly stop while Karson slides down against the wall.

"Sorry, sorry let me rest for a few seconds," he pants.

I am suddenly hit with a wave of guilt as I know it's mostly my fault.

"Also I'm fine you don't have to carry me any longer," I say looking away.

"You sure you'll be alright?" He says touching my shoulder.

I stare at him and suddenly feel embarrassed which forces me to look away once more. I can feel his eyes drilling to me but I continue staring down at my hands.

I hear him sigh and get up.

"We should be close," he says, oddly quiet.

We continue on at a brisk walk and suddenly Karson stops.

I can't see a thing and wonder how Karson knows his direction but then again he has been here for a while.

A shot rings out to our left and we both tense. A bullet slices trough the air, mere inches away from my leg.

"Oh shit, they have found us," Karson says sighing.

He yanks on my arm hard and we start running. My legs tremble and I stumble and fall sprawling into the floor.

Karson yanks me up fast and once again we are full out sprinting down the hallways. I feel like any minute I will collapse, my legs are too weak and my lungs are filled with fiery smoke.

I start falling behind Karson but he only glances back to see if I'm still with him. Then all of a sudden my legs give out and I once again I'm met with the dirty cold floor.

Karson didn't seemed to notice and I weakly call out his name, luckily he here's me and comes back looking panicked.

"Shit, Alec are you okay," he says as he picks me up and slings my am around his shoulder.

We continue on him half dragging me while silently cursing under his breath.

Two more shot ring out, sounding closer then ever. And then another one and this time Karson stumbles taking me down with him.

We lay for a split second and then Karson grabs me and pulls me into a door and slamming it.

"Fuck," he says while running a hand through his sweaty hair.

This room is different from the one Karson and I used to share. This one contained multiple bunk beds which seemed in better shape.

"Under then bed," Karson orders.

I stare at him and finally comprehend before crawling under. He crawls after me but instead having his back toward me he is facing me.

We are only a mere two inches apart and I suck in a breath. Why doesn't he turn around, it would be easier to fight off the others like that.

He stares at me keeping his green eyes locked with mine and somehow he has me trapped.

Why can't he just turn around?

[KARSON POV]

"I'll protect and shield you no matter what," I breathe out.

I should turn around to defend us but somehow I cant find enough strength to do so. Also my right shoulder had been shot and this way I didn't have to put any pressure on it by facing the other direction.

I stare at his beautiful blue eyes but I close mine for a brief second to try to clear my head.

Angel, why did he have to be so fucking beautiful?

I needed to do something about my shoulder but I had to wait till I was certain we were clear.

I could tell Alexander was uncomfortable in this situation and I couldn't blame him. I heard a gun shot that sounded like it was directly outside the room.

Alec's eyes widened and I closed the gap between us, our noses were touching and I pressed my body into his. This was not meant to be in anyway sexual, I was trying to remain hidden but that didn't stop me from noticing the perfectness of Alec's body.

I could feel Alec was very uncomfortable because I pressed my body even closer and he would tense all over.

I didn't want to make him uncomfortable but if we both wanted to make it out alive, I had to do this.

But seriously, why was he so perfect!?

Ugh, I couldn't help my mind from flying away from reality and from some of my blood flowing south.

I couldn't lie I damn right wanted to kiss him then and there but I didn't, I couldn't.

"I think we're clear," I say, sounding a little breathless

I carefully withdrew from under the bed and Alec came after. I made a quick decision I had to do it before something bad would happen.

As Alec was straightening himself I grabbed his shoulders and back him against the wall. And I slammed my mouth into his.

He gasped and tensed but I couldn't let up now. I pressed myself against him, craving.

His hand came around to clutch my shoulder and I cried out in pain. I stumbled back into a bed, grabbing it in pain.

"I'm sorry! I didn't know! Karson what's wrong," he said in horror as he stared at the blood on his palm.

"Got shot," I gasped as another flash of pain stabbed me.

"Dammit, why didn't you say anything before?" Alec said panicked.

I tired part of the sheet off one of the beds and Alec helped me wrap it to ease the bleeding.

"We have to keep moving," I say unable to look at him.

He doesn't respond and I open the door entering the hazy smoke once more.

A shout behind us alerts us and I curse my impatience.

"Thought you could loose us bastards?" He spits.

And I take the cue to continue running, my shoulder was on fire, a painful reminder that I was bound to this place.

Another bullet rang out but I continued running, I couldn't give up now.

I tried tricking them because despite being Head of the place they seemed pretty lost. I had a slight advantage as I tried tricking them and it bought us some distance.

Alec had insisted on being fine running on his own but every few steps he would stumble and every time I feared he had gotten shot.

I took a particularly sharp turn and then from in front of us people emerged and Alec stopped dead in his tracks.

"Uhm Alec, we have to keep moving" I said impatiently.

"Magnus...?" Alec said dumbstruck.

At this point I was very baffled but seeing no harm in the people in front of us, I tugged on Alec's arm.

"Alexander! You have to come, there's not much time," the man named Magnus said.

"That's what he said," a blonde next to the other man snickered.

And a beautiful girl who resembled resembled Alec, elbowed him in the ribs.

A shot rang out nearer, and I knew we were almost out of time.

"Alec," I warned.

"And who are you," Magnus said his gaze shifted to mine and his eyes had a hidden hostility.

Alexander was connected to these people and I knew they came to rescue him. Though we still had a job to complete but I knew Alec would have to choose what would happen next.

I ignored him and looked Alec straight in the eyes.

"Alec you have to choose, now," I said.

He looked confused, then conflicted then sad.

"I'm sorry," Alec said,"but I have to go with them."

I looked away to hide my disappointment. I made Alec choose and it was clear of what his decision held.

And without a backward glance I watched the group move away into the smokey haze.

It was my own destiny to finish this once and for all. No one else by my side, it was my job and my job only.

"Dammit Alec, why now," I cursed but I sprinted in the other direction almost ready to face my fate.


End file.
